Day 5

Haven'g got time to write anything yesterday.

Was busy doing.. how chores .__. 

Shoot.

Ko Remon's given us this topic : Kepekaan.
Which is.. what? Sensitivity?

And I scratched my head over this one, because I am NOT a very sensitive person (understatement).

In fact, gw itu adalah orang yang sangat cuek sekali ._.

So I just said, 'God, I am VERY lacking in this department of sensitivity haha'

It's true.
Dari kecil, Papa told me countless times, jangan terlalu cuek dong jadi orang.

Padahal masih bocah loh.
Mau cuek sama apa sih? Tapi udah keliatan cueknya omg.

Anyway.

Yesterday I have submitted the VISA application. Cross my fingerssss.

And when I got back to office.......

Remember on the previous post I've mentioned one assistant that has been there from the beginning.

She told me that she just handed over her resignation letter.

BOOM! There goes the bomb lol.

And I don't know it is shock or something,
but I didn't really feel any kind of worried or anything.

I mean. I straightaway calculating step forwards, all the prevention I could take, straight away consulting my boss on the situations at hand etc etc.

But then inside me, there's no galau galau apa gimana.

Gw sampe bingung sendiri.

Wong biasanya galau itu ga ada apa2 aja bisa galau, nah bukannya ini harusnya galau max?

In my mind, I really understand the impact of losing those 2 assistants :

1st, gw harus spent time ngawasin handover pass mereka cabuts.

2nd, gw harus take over dulu partial kerjaan mereka.

3rd, gw harus ngelatih 2 asisten baru yg berarti gw bakal spend less time doing other main duties.

4th, gw harus ngawasin 2 asisten baru ini smpe beberapa bulan kedepan.

Belom ditambah gw bakal on leave for 1 week di awal July yg coincide banget sama last day si asisten.

Eaaa.

But in my heart...

Biasanya kan we told people, my God is an awesome God. So I shall have no worried because in the end everything's going to be okay
 Tapi jujur deh, di dalam hati gw, biasanya ada 'iya ga ya. duh deg2an'.

Lain di mulut, lain di hati lolol.

But this time, it's very different.

I really feel no worries at all. Like, an assurance that this one is not my battle.

It is God's.

So I shall just sit back and relax.

Bukan berarti gw ga nyangkul di kantor ye.
Sorry. 9AM to 6PM gw bakal mengerahkan semua muscle2 gw.
Tapi there's this confident kalo I am alright.
(Not I am GOING TO BE alright, but AM alright).

Then malemnya, on the way to OHGS (last day of malam pencurahan Roh Kudus),

my friend text me.

Remember the one I wrote in the 'DAY 1' post? Yes that's him.

Dia bilang kalo dia sakit and couldn't breath normally.

Ya emang sih udah 2 hari dia ga WA or apa lah, tapi I mean kan ga harus tiap hari jg kan sih?

Paling lagi sibuk belajar buat CFA dia tgl 7 (which is today).

But then ternyata dia lagi sakit donngggg.

And I was really2 worried because I remember last time he's like this was during our UOL final exam.

Macam panic attack ._. 

Seriusan dia sampe kaya ayam sakit di rumah gw. Poor thing.

Padahal biasanya dia annoying.... Well.

OK sidetracked.

And God let me know why He takes care of everything at the office.

Because He wants me to understand how precious 1 soul is for Him.

Like, all this time, he's looking for me bukan karena ga ada kerjaan.

Bukan karena ga ada temen laen yg bisa diajak ngomong.

Bukan karena dia ada #motif #kode.

But because he needs something that was given to me but he never had it till now.

Which is Jesus.

Gw itu cuman channel, gw cuman macam corongnya Tuhan aja...

I was reminded that NOT EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT ME.

Kalo setiap orang yang ada di hidup kita, cross path sama kita, were there for a reason.

Well we don't know why. But He will let us know.

..but  only if we care enough to understand His heart.

So here's what I've learned about 'sensitivity' so far :

1. We're not born sensitive. We are not born with sensitivity.

It is not something natural.
It's true ada some people yang lebih sensitif daripada orang2 cuek macam gw.
Tapi sensitif yang begini sih bukan 'peka'.
Menurut gw ini lebih kepada 'sensi'.
Ohh how I love Bahasa lol. Because sensi is not sensitive lol.
Sensi itu condong ke netting2. Negative thinking.

Kalo sensitive itu lebih ke ngerti what other's need and feel.

2. To be sensitive is a choice.

Yes it is. Apalagi buat saya.
I can choose to live happily under my cocoon of ignorance.
My comfort zone, because gw seldom kesel sama orang.
Dan apa kata orang bilang 'my your own business, bro'.

But is it what God wants from me?

3. Sensitivity adalah anugerah

Karena seriusan, kalo bukan Tuhan yang bilang
'lu mau begitu terus? Yakin? I can give you something much more than that.
If you just follow', gw bakal stay the same old cuek me.

4. There's a price to pay.

Yep. Waktu gw ignore others, means gw focus more on myself.
And little by little, you must let go of yourself, what you want, when do you want it and learn to trust God when He ask you to do something beyond what's logical.

And sometimes, people will say that you're crazy or kepo or whatever lah.

Take example on Noah.

Or gausa jauh2 deh, my story above.

Gw itu lagi ada masalah di kantor,
yang semua colleague gw denger langsung merinding.

'What?? Your assistant resign ho? What? Two of them??
And now you're praying buat temen lo yang lagi stress?
Lu emang ga stress??'

Kira2 begitu lah....

Tapi terus kenapa? What people thinks about you doesn't determine who you are.

You are His beloved and nothing will ever change that.
Remember : only one opinion matters. His.

Yeah so, I need to catokan first hahaha.

Best weekend ahead, Beloved!

PS :  ONCE AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MATE!