it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1: 5 NIV “For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. My frame was not hidden from you When I was made in the secret place, When I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” Psalms 139:13,15 NIV The womb is where life begins.  Lately God has been reminding me of His secret place. I looked back and realized that 2020 is about God holding my hands and brought me back to His secret place, the womb where He’s shaping me. The place of hiddenness. It’s dark and lonely (well unless you have a twin HAHA). But it’s also the safest place where God can form the vital parts that will sustain my life outside of the womb. When God brought me back home, He positioned me in the safest place where there was no pressure of work, demand to socialize, and no responsibility to serve in any capacity, so that I can fully broken down to p

I'd rather slip Walking on water Than spend my life Wondering, "What if?" Lord, if it's You Tell me to come 'Cause You alone can tame the wildest wind At the beginning of the year, before the pandemic hits, somebody prophesied to me. She said, “You have this curious faith. God created you for adventures with Him.” But you know, adventure means new places, leaving your comfort zones behind. And the thing about a journey of faith is : it ALWAYS involves RISK. Banning Liebscher, director of Jesus Culture, wrote in his book “The Three Mile Walk”: “Too many believers are afraid to take risks because they think,  What if my dream does not happen? What if I step out and I pursue who God’s called me to be and do what He’s called me to do, but I fail in that?  We cannot let the fear of failure stop us from dreaming. If we do not dream, we disengage. Instead of leaning into God, we take a posture of pulling back from Him, which is not the direction we want to be moving. Bil

“There’s a boy who trusted that God is able to return something that is lost in his life. The following week, his pet turtle he thought was lost forever crawled out from under a rock!” “He shared his story to his circle. Another kid had just lost his dorm access card. He didn’t have 300 bucks for replacing the card. So he believed in his heart that if God could return the lost turtle, He could do it again to his lost card! And true enough, someone found the card and returned it to him not long after that!” “This kid testified to his circle. Another man listen and grasp the revelation, and thought, “Hey! If God could returned the lost pet turtle, and an access card, I wanted to BELIEVE that He’s able to return my dad to me.” He had never seen his dad since birth. A few days later, a man reached out to him through Facebook message. It was his father, wanting to reconnect.” That was school 2 days ago. I paused the video because I cried so much when I listened to all these testimonies. God

To say that the last 3 weeks was a roller coaster ride was an understatement. HAHA! Today should be the VISA interview day. But looking back to the last 7 weeks, all I can say is that: SWITCHING TO BSSMO WAS SIMPLY ONE OF THE BEST DECISION IN LIFE!! THANK YOU, GOD, FOR NEVER GIVING UP ON ME! I’m not saying that everything is rainbows and butterflies HAHA. In fact, I’ve never been so challenged as much as I am these days. The curriculum is designed to put “internal pressure” so that whatever GOLD may surface and together with the gold, (this is the scary part) lies and pains and false identity surfaced, too. You know, sometimes it feels so much easier to turn a blind eye and deny the issue within. TBH, on some days I dread watching the new materials or going for revival groups, because facing the hidden ugliness in us requires so much courage. But of course, growing means admitting the issue and confronting ourselves so that God can redeem what we bring under the light. For those in the

In the crushing, in the pressing You are making new wine In the soil I now surrender You are breaking new ground (New Wine - Hillsong Worship) This song was released some time around 2 years ago and since then, God has spoken through this song to keep me going when the journey takes me to dark and difficult places. He reminded me this song from time and time again in this past few months of 2020. And every time I sing “CRUSHING, PRESSING, BREAKING”, jujur cuman bisa meringis kadang2 HAHA. But that’s for the previous post because THIS ONE IS ON ENTIRELY DIFFERENT NOTE! WOHOOO! BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!!!! I mentioned in the previous post (Redefining 2020: Takeaways), that I’ve switched to Full Time BSSM Online sometimes in August. What I forgot to mention that 2 days before the school start, I was battling so much doubt. I know I should be happy. Expectant. My brain shouted, “HELLOWW, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!! ISN’T IT WHAT YOU’RE WAITING FOR??” But my heart is full of mixed feeling emotions th