“God’s reward growth with pruning. More growth.”
I stumbled across a worship moment on YouTube and the word spoken by Michael Miller breathe fresh air into my soul.
“Pruning seasons are strange. You get disoriented. You think, “What did I do wrong?” Nothing. My shears are the reward of fruitfulness. You’re being positioned for greater fruitfulness.”
Sometimes I forgot that the One who wants to see all of His promises fulfilled in my life more than myself is the Promiser Himself. And in the in-between seasons, He’s still the sweetest reward.
A few days ago I woke up with a DM on my Instagram. A friend stumbled across my profile, clicked on my blog and she told me she started crying because God revealed many heart issues she’s not even aware of. I am in awe of what God’s doing behind the scene. The last post was, so far, the hardest writing in my life. I wrote it down while it’s still fresh in my heart, the disappointment, the struggle, the embrace. But today, I wrote from a totally different vantage point. Still in the waiting, still in the pruning, but OH SO IN AWE of the goodness of my Father. That’s the word again. IN AWE.
It started with a simple, secret birthday wish, to my Papa.
“Can I have some flower for my birthday?”
I used to see flower as something unnecessary and, well, kinda useless as a gift. They’re so expensive yet so fragile. But this past few years, God’s been teaching me the value of beauty in me and around me. And I see flowers differently. I see God, I see His beauty in His creation. So. A simple prayer just to my Papa.
So on October 6, right before I left my house for family time with Mama, Febe, and Muffin (the last one is the recipe for disaster. HAHA), I received a weird-shaped package from a friend. When I opened it. I WAS MINDBLOWN. It was..
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A POT OF GORGEOUS ORCHID.
My heart leaped!!! I was like. WOW GOD!!!! Doa receh2 gini aja dijawab loh. Buat Tuhan ga receh..
I went home after the fambam time and YOU KNOW WHAT, another birthday gift was delivered.
One more pot of orchid!! I MEAN. COME ON!!
THIS. MUST. BE. GOD.
Sent by 2 friends from a totally different circle. They don’t know each other. But God gave them the same idea. COME ONNNN!!
My prophetic curiosity (read: kepo-ness) was triggered big time.
Ok God. What are you trying to say to me, Papa.
He didn’t make it easy for me. I Googled the meaning of Orchid and nothing of substance came out. AND why 2 Orchids! Until one friend mentioned about JOY to me and I heard the Lord said, “Double for your trouble.”
“I’m sorry. Double of what?”
“Double JOY. Double everything. I’m redeeming your ashes.”
Hearing what He said, I felt like I’ve seen the verse somewhere on the Bible. And true enough. I found it.
“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” - Isaiah 61:7 NIV
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.
And then I read the title of Isaiah 61 and it says, “THE YEAR OF THE LORD’S FAVOR!”
My heart leaped through the roof and I was YES LORD YESSSSSS WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!!!!!
If I can hear Him audibly, I might as well hear Him chuckle HAHA. Girl. You don’t know what I have in store for you!!
The night after the orchid’s commotion, I was having my birthday Samyang carbonara and I received a text that a bunch of girlfriends were gathering cash for birthday angpao. I cried on the spot because I felt the Lord saying, “Ke. I know you don’t have income right now. Thank you for being faithful in the season you’re in right now. See. I always provide.” CRIED.
When I saw the amount, it started with a 2, an even number.
God said, “YESS! DOUBLE IT UP!”
And then I get to hear the background story of the angpao. The idea was initiated by a friend who dislike giving cash as a gift as it has no sentimental value whatsoever. But she just felt it in her heart. Other friends agree and they chipped in any amount they felt the Lord put in their heart. The last friend who collect everything has decided on the amount she wanted to give. But she felt that it has to be a round figure, so she ROUND DOWN on the total.”
I was MORE MINDBLOWN when I heard what’s happening behind the scene.
THIS! MUST! BE! GOD!!
Another friend gave me a pair of shoes. I mean. A PAIR.
God’s like, “Yes. Kezia. DOUBLE IT UP! I’m redeeming your ashes!”
As I shared all of this findings to my mom and sister, God whispered to me,
“YOU ARE 33! DOUBLE IT UP!” I was like. Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.
Even as I wrote this, I realized that both birthday wishes on the orchids came with the same message “FILLED WITH JOY!” “JOY THAT OVERFLOWS!” Come on Jesus!!
The surprises did not stop there. Not even close.
God recently brought me to some new friends and one of them met me for coffee date that turned out to be brunch/coffee/dessert date. She is SUCH A GIFT! Especially because both of us are currently in the same season. Season of waiting, of the unknown, of saying yes of not making things happened and instead surrendering to God’s plan over our life. COFFEE AND FRIEND! God knows my love language is quality time. ANNNND FOOD!
A few days later, an old friend visited from Singapore. After more than 2 years!!! And she told us that she felt like pampering us with hair care and head massage. COME ONNNNN!! What could be better than that! I mean, finally meeting my friend, giving her and her babies a hug, was already a gift in itself. But then hair care!! Oh yes please!
I felt so LOVED and so CELEBRATED by God and by people around me.
And then.. I stumbled across one Instagram post from Nate Johnston and the blog post got me “THIS ISSSS MEEEE RIGHT NOW!” I never felt so understood! I love the prophetic! How it gives purpose to our pain right now.
Every sentences hit home. For the first time in a longest time, I finally began to.. see.
A little excerpt from Nate and Christy Johnston’s blog for context. (Here’s the link for the full word! Macedonian Call)
A Macedonian call is where It feels like God is blocking a certain way or direction you thought you were going on. It’s where the blueprint and plans were set for a specific outcome and location and God closes those doors and leads you out. It’s where the Holy Spirit prevents you from creating Ishmaels and decisions that would lock you into something not part of your destiny. It’s where He leads you in a way or means that doesn’t make sense at first and begins to stir your heart for another way. It’s where God takes you on what looks like a detour from the path or leads you away from the way you thought you were going. The Macedonian call is your re-direction back onto the path you were designed to walk on and the protection of God to steer you away from any diversion of the call upon your life. It’s your realignment and recalibration back to true north and the ignition of the main message and mission God has given you.
If Paul hadn’t listened to this dream Europe wouldn’t have heard the gospel and we wouldn’t know the gospel the way we do now. Your Macedonian call is not just about you. It’s about so many others futures and breakthroughs you don’t see or comprehend right now. It’s about the destiny of your children. It’s about the destiny of the land you are called to. This call is a legacy shifting call!
It felt like the Lord spoke those words directly into my heart. Realignment. Recalibration. The assignment never changed, Kezia. I get you ready for what I have readied for you.
What brought me into another dimension is the verse I read in that blog:
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Jeremiah 33:3
On the third day of the 33 years old me, I felt the Lord’s reminding me of the vision I received earlier, last month. Kezia, the seabed-walker, “I wanna show you beauty like never before.”
But the greatest birthday gift is yet to come.
Do you remember the journey of walking on water for 3rd year? God has invited my sister to take the same journey of faith with BSSM Online. She paid up the first half of the tuition fee with my credit card. I fully supported her step of faith. And another birthday wish I whispered to my Papa is this :
“Can I have this one for my birthday, Papa? You’ve sustain me through the disappointments beautifully, but tbh I’m not sure if I can see my sister going through the same thing.”
Every time my sister asked me,
“Do you think God will come through?”
I told her OF COURSE HE WILL.
But tbh. Idk. I mean. He come through in ways that is BEYOND my understanding. So. Idk.
But 2 days before my birthday, Febe was checking her other bank account and she was surprised to see the balance. It seems that she has received a transfer from that time earlier this year when she helped out as a mentor. Knowing the history of government related bureaucracy, she didn’t expect much of it. But HERE YOU ARE. It covers 2/3 of the whole sum. To be real transparent here, what came up to our mind was, “Errr. Why not the full amount eh God?” HAHAHAHA untung Tuhan sabar loh. But then I remember the story of 5 loaves and 2 fish. And I started giving thanks because the God who provides 2/3 of the balance is able to provide the rest PLUS the interest, if needed. Wow. What a shift of mindset!
My birthday passed and it’s 2 days before the due date of payment. When my sister about to transfer the sum to me, she came to me in shock,
“Loh, Kak. Kok tabungan aku jadi segini ya?” I was like, “Idk your thing. What do you mean?”
She received another transfer you guys!!!! And now she could pay the FULL AMOUNT.
We hugged each other and did a little teary-eyed dance right there.
And when my sister told my mom, my mom went like,
“Oooh, this morning I was asking God if I could just paid up the whole thing for Febe and she could pay me back in installment.” Mom hates late payment interest with all her heart lololol.
But then God said to her, “If you kept doing it, kept playing the hero, when could I show up for your children?” DANGGGG GOD!!
So. Later that night, God came through.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(Not a typo, just me screaming inside hahahaha lol)
And then God explained the whole thing to me.
He reminded me the beginning of the journey of BSSM3.
“After all, it’s not just for you, Ke. Your family needs to see Me as a Father who provides miraculously, too!” (My previous blog, if you haven’t read it, for context : PREV BLOG!)
And when He said that, I thought I have to be the one who pioneer everything. I have to be the one who received the promise, walked through them unscathed, and THEN, they would see God as who He is.
Man. I still have that remaining of saviour mentality. HAHAHAH.
“You thought you have to walked through everything. But what is required of you is just your simple “yes”. Your “yes” opened the way for your sister to accept My invitation. And because your sister accepted My invitation, your mom learned that she is NOT the provider, too.”
I cried. It humbles me. So much. Little Kezia and her saviour mentality AHAHAHA.
But God!
I can only stand in awe of what He’s doing in me and in my family as a whole.
*Pause. Because this is not the end of my post SORRY*
Deep in my heart I know that ALL THIS is just the beginning of that adventure. The great and unsearchable things of God.. What He has hidden for me to discover. His beauty. I barely scratch the surface.
And then doors just suddenly flung wide open on my face.
An invitation to speak on sessions which I felt so unqualified and so undeserving!
Then a friend randomly felt moved to asked me about an opportunity to manage something I’ve never managed before. It’s still pretty much up in the air, but he just felt God put my name on his heart. I was like even to have my name whispered to his heart has already shown me a God who’s ABOVE AND BEYOND.
I received another phone call (IKR, a lot has happened when all I do is basically just staying home!). A friend asked me if I felt called to pastor a community. I MEAN. COME ON JESUS! That’s basically all He’s saying since day 1 I realized that accountancy might not what He had in mind for me long term LOLOLOLOL. So this friend felt like God has shifted everything he knows about his future ministry, it’s going to be a costly yes for him and his family (don’t I know it). He told me that he doesn’t even know how it’s going to look like or how to get there. I mean.. WELCOME TO MY WORLD! Haha. Where everything is pretty much possible because God said so. That simple.
From all the people around me, I couldn’t be more surprise to get invited by this person knowing all the different background etc etc. But you know. This is basically just Jesus being Jesus. Walking on water. Doing the most impossible things because He is God. So I told him a brief history of how God brought me where I am right now and while we’re praying for each other, he mentioned that my journey was similar to Paul who thought he’s going to Bithynia, but the Holy Spirit basically told Paul, “No.” And gave him the dream of a man asking him to go to Macedonia instead.
I was like. BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!! He didn’t just casually mentioned about Macedonia, right???
I MEAN. ONLY MY PAPA CAN DO THIS!
And I know I barely scratched the surface.
I still don’t know what’s coming next. But I’ve seen my Papa. I’ve seen His heart.
Right in the middle of all this AWESOMENESSSSSSS, He taught me to enjoy and welcome the pruning season. The season where I could easily misunderstood, but at the same time, so safely held in His arms.
He reveals that the peeling off of layers, the stripping off of defenses, left me naked without defenses.
“What is the best posture to hear My heartbeat, Ke?
It’s when you’re naked and defenseless. Like a newborn baby, skin to skin with Me is the best place for you to heart my heartbeat.”
“Childlikeness actually protects your heart from any bitterness and pain that harden hearts. You’ll stay tender and receptive to My heart when you stay childlike.”
So again. Here’s my heart, Papa.
All yours.
Always been yours.
After all, 33 is actually the new 3. HAHAHA.
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