it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

I can't believe it's only a month ago since the last post. Too much happenings and roller coaster ride with God. Everyday, new things unfolded, discovered, unveiled before my eyes. A few days ago, the day before Christmas, we (papa, mama, Febe, and I) went to Makassar, dad's hometown. TBH, I'd chose Jakarta home anytime for Christmas. But well, what's important was family (papa senang), and as long as God's approved, then I'm good to go. It was simply the best Christmas. The Prince of Peace Himself was with us. I always know that my dad's side of family tree was sorta "colorful." But not until God showed me, Himself, I finally understood a part of His grand plan to redeem me, and my extended family. Here's a brief background about my dad's siblings of 5: The first and fourth son have passed away. The first was due to sickness. The fourth was due to something shadier which I was uncleared of anyway. Both leaving some 'co

Yes, I might as well write in Bahasa deh. I AM SCARED. There. I put it in black and white. And never ever in my entire life, I felt this way. Right after the last blog, things started to unfold. Daily. There's always something.. exhilarating happened every day. Even sometimes they were just chain of events. Every December, I prayed about God's vision for the coming new year. This habit was formed back then since the Royals time. Then to mentorship as well. Somehow I was reminded in the end of October, "Eh Ke, why don't you take 2 months in advance to pray for new year instead of the usual 1 month?" So I started to take my time for praying and fasting. YEAH N THEN THE UNFOLDING. I can't write down everything because it's LITERALLY banyak banget sampe ga tau lagi. What I know is, since the mid year, God has given me 'trailer'. A new season is coming soon. Well. I never thought that a new season could be..

"Why obedience feels like burning bridges?" I asked God that question a few hours ago. Last weekend was NGS Worker Camp. I was not there. Technically, I was not listed under NGS anymore. Just came when help is needed. But see. What's visible to the eyes were never what they seem. I know I didn't go the the camp. Simply because God didn't want me there. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. So one cici asked me to go. Knowing the speaker and all that, MY HEART REALLY WANNA GO, YOU KNOW! But then I told her.. If anyone ask me to go, beside you, I'd go. I mean.. Udah kebanyakan sok ngide (read prev post), gw bertobat lah ya. Udah mau maranatha ga bertobat jg, piye? Turned out nobody asked me. Instead, there was this COOL (cell group) equipping meeting. Hmmm.. TECHNICALLY, I wasn't a leader or even wakil. But ya, thank God I registered despite the tug war in my heart, I came. Emang ya. He really knows how to position us so well. To think that we can plan our

God's been good. Hey ya'll! I am 29! And  all I can say is : GOD, YOU. ARE. GOOD. My beloved couple, Ko Ceka and bebeb Vanie gave me PSALM 139 AMP 15  My frame was not hidden from You, When I was being formed in secret, And intricately  and  skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth. 16  Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were appointed  for me , When as yet there was not one of them [even taking shape]. [Ngeblog sambil dengerin ini sejuta kali on repeat. Ini baik lagunya maupun masnya yang nyanyi tuh kesukaan Roma wkwkwkwk. Aku kangen sama Roma deh jadinya. ANYWAY] This year has been the MOST COLORFUL year ever!!!! I've been through hell. But even in the land of the death, my Father shielded me with His love. I've been through some moments where I raised my fist to God. I've yelled at Him. Sungguh anak kurang ajar sebenernya. But He kn

Puzzle pieces. "Maybe what you've seen right now are puzzle pieces. And you can't get the whole picture right. But remember, those pieces are God's. That's why you can trust that the picture is beautiful. Just do your part." Wah really. I couldn't stop crying during the NGS session today. And I have this little flu and the crying didn't help so I kinda had to breathe from my mouth a little wkwkwkwkwkwk. All eye makeup were gone lol. God's love was so tangible. It's 6 days to the GWilliams wedding! I can't believe I'll be in Bandung next Friday. SO MANY THINGS HAPPENNED IN A SHORT FEW WEEKS. One of them is my bebep Gece's bridal shower. Shella asked all  of us this questions, "What makes you wanna get married? What makes you DON'T?" Why I want to. Hmm well. Because WHEN I do, that means I'm fulfilling God's purpose in my life. (I mean, well, for me, no other reason really.