it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

"Why obedience feels like burning bridges?" I asked God that question a few hours ago. Last weekend was NGS Worker Camp. I was not there. Technically, I was not listed under NGS anymore. Just came when help is needed. But see. What's visible to the eyes were never what they seem. I know I didn't go the the camp. Simply because God didn't want me there. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. So one cici asked me to go. Knowing the speaker and all that, MY HEART REALLY WANNA GO, YOU KNOW! But then I told her.. If anyone ask me to go, beside you, I'd go. I mean.. Udah kebanyakan sok ngide (read prev post), gw bertobat lah ya. Udah mau maranatha ga bertobat jg, piye? Turned out nobody asked me. Instead, there was this COOL (cell group) equipping meeting. Hmmm.. TECHNICALLY, I wasn't a leader or even wakil. But ya, thank God I registered despite the tug war in my heart, I came. Emang ya. He really knows how to position us so well. To think that we can plan our

God's been good. Hey ya'll! I am 29! And  all I can say is : GOD, YOU. ARE. GOOD. My beloved couple, Ko Ceka and bebeb Vanie gave me PSALM 139 AMP 15  My frame was not hidden from You, When I was being formed in secret, And intricately  and  skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth. 16  Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were appointed  for me , When as yet there was not one of them [even taking shape]. [Ngeblog sambil dengerin ini sejuta kali on repeat. Ini baik lagunya maupun masnya yang nyanyi tuh kesukaan Roma wkwkwkwk. Aku kangen sama Roma deh jadinya. ANYWAY] This year has been the MOST COLORFUL year ever!!!! I've been through hell. But even in the land of the death, my Father shielded me with His love. I've been through some moments where I raised my fist to God. I've yelled at Him. Sungguh anak kurang ajar sebenernya. But He kn