it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

In the crushing, in the pressing You are making new wine In the soil I now surrender You are breaking new ground (New Wine - Hillsong Worship) This song was released some time around 2 years ago and since then, God has spoken through this song to keep me going when the journey takes me to dark and difficult places. He reminded me this song from time and time again in this past few months of 2020. And every time I sing “CRUSHING, PRESSING, BREAKING”, jujur cuman bisa meringis kadang2 HAHA. But that’s for the previous post because THIS ONE IS ON ENTIRELY DIFFERENT NOTE! WOHOOO! BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!!!! I mentioned in the previous post (Redefining 2020: Takeaways), that I’ve switched to Full Time BSSM Online sometimes in August. What I forgot to mention that 2 days before the school start, I was battling so much doubt. I know I should be happy. Expectant. My brain shouted, “HELLOWW, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!! ISN’T IT WHAT YOU’RE WAITING FOR??” But my heart is full of mixed feeling emotions th

 “2020 is not a good year for me.” “I just wanna skip 2020 altogether.” Those were written everywhere and posted over and over again on social media. Is it, really? Personally, this year has been.. Let say, one completely unknown territory. I have expected “the unknown” when I said goodbye to my entire 12 years in Singapore to start a new adventure with the Father. But.. NOT THIS KIND of unknown!  I thought the future would be kinda blurry. But this! This was.. total darkness. The first few months of being home was about me replicating my Singapore life (well, minus the job and of course the people). I was busy finding “home”, trying out new churches, new communities, new ministries. Making new friends, reuniting with old friends. Back to meeting people on daily basis. I even went to 2 services on Sundays HAHA! Well, I thought, this was me being productive while waiting for the school intake. And then Covid19 strikes. The world was brought to its knees. All church meetings went online