it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

So last week, the entire school left Redding for ministry trip around the States. I went to Phoenix for 8 days and came home to school with tons of testimonies of healing, people set free, delivered, and experiencing the love of the Father in the most tangible way. But here’s my personal take on the trip to Phoenix, AZ. I met a boy and this divine appointment marked my life forever. I told God (and my team mates), if the reason of my entire trip, all the whirlwind of fund raising and preparations, was just for this one moment with this boy, I would do it all over again.  So on an evening, I was told that I would go to minister to kids in a home church the next day. (On prerequisite of being in the trip with Bethel people is a heart that is always ready with a smiley YES to whatever comes next. HAHAH. So many last minute change, you could be blindsided by the suddenness of if. Or you can take it as an invitation to lean on the Holy Spirit leading. It’s nerve-wrecking for a bit, but ...

“Kezia, I need you to dream again.” Earlier in my current season journey, when the promise was still a seed I barely believed in, I asked the Lord, “Teach me how to have hope. Because I know there will be times when I can’t see a thing and I’ll be tempted to doubt everything You ever said.” “When it’s the hardest to believe, I want you to start dreaming. Dream beyond today, beyond what your eyes can see, to the future you know I’ve prepared for you. Dream will be the antidote of the pain in your waiting. It’ll work like a ‘laughing gas’ in the midst of the delivery of the promise.” It was a few months ago and today, He reminded me to dream again. Maybe it’s because I need HOPE the most and I need it NOW more than ever. But before that, I gotta go back to the beginning, retelling the stories of what God has done this week. Oh the wild wild journey with Him… It was a normal Monday. I had the weekly Pastoral Track discussion in the morning. I arrived an hour earlier, so I decided to read ...

“It’s like someone’s dying right there.”  LOLOLOL I scared my housemate with my crying and wailing this morning. I’m so so sorry Gracie. Well, maybe she’s not wrong after all. Someone’s dying at that moment. Me.  I died to myself. It started a few days ago. I didn’t feel it anymore in my heart. I never experienced the real baby kicking inside my belly, but that’s what I felt in my heart. It’s like there’s no “movement” or “kicking”. I feel like something’s out of alignment. Something just doesn’t feel right. Initially I thought that it’s because I didn’t give AB a hug. The Lord asked me 2 weeks ago to give him a hug during a main session worship and I reasoned, “But it’s weird. But he’s so far. But..” and the moment’s passed and I forgot about it. So I thought if I did that one thing, surely the promise would come alive and kicking again. I mustered my courage and I gave him a hug. HAHA. I’m so short and I had to jump a little. It was a good hug. But still. I know that God was...

Today during main session worship, God asked me a question that made me go, “What? I don’t get it. What are you trying to say??” HAHAHA tbh it’s not that I don’t get what He’s saying.. It’s just that I don’t understand why He asked me that, “Ke, from now on, you can stop praying for AB and start praying for Indonesia.” I mean.. Does that mean I should move on and forget what He’s doing with AB? I wrestled about it a bit, but yielding gets easier and easier with each ‘funny request’ of my Father. So I told Him, “Ok Papa. I trust your heart.” But the next second, another thought came, “But Papa. You know I’ll think about him. And when I think about him, of course I’m gonna talk to You about him and isn’t it the same thing as praying for him? I mean I might not write down my prayer like what I’m doing right now. But still. How can I not praying for someone I love?” I heard Him chuckled. “Exactly.” Once again, I am amazed by His genius. With one sentence, He revealed what’s hidden in my he...

It’s 1AM in Redding, CA. I should’ve been asleep by now. Or at least doing one of the 2 homework that is due in 8 days HAHA. But my heart knows that I need to do this now. Now, before I lose heart. It’s been a while since God’s nudging me to write this one particular aspect of my adventure down and I kept delaying and delaying. I feel God’s saying, “Now, Kezia, now. Declare My promises now. Now is a crucial time. Now is the turning points that leads to an entirely new future. It’s crucial that you partner with Me now. Declare My promises now.” So here goes. This is me walking on water. November last year, I was sitting cross-legged on my bed. Talking to the Father. I remember struggling about my heart posture every time I was exposed to a new aspect of revival that was SO  BEYOND my box. I was struggling with comparison and the pressure of having to sound or look like anyone else when encountering Him. But He talked to me about something else entirely. “Are you sure you TRULY BELIE...