The Boy Who Showed Me My WHY

So last week, the entire school left Redding for ministry trip around the States.

I went to Phoenix for 8 days and came home to school with tons of testimonies of healing, people set free, delivered, and experiencing the love of the Father in the most tangible way.

But here’s my personal take on the trip to Phoenix, AZ.

I met a boy and this divine appointment marked my life forever.

I told God (and my team mates), if the reason of my entire trip, all the whirlwind of fund raising and preparations, was just for this one moment with this boy, I would do it all over again. 

So on an evening, I was told that I would go to minister to kids in a home church the next day.

(On prerequisite of being in the trip with Bethel people is a heart that is always ready with a smiley YES to whatever comes next. HAHAH. So many last minute change, you could be blindsided by the suddenness of if. Or you can take it as an invitation to lean on the Holy Spirit leading. It’s nerve-wrecking for a bit, but once I leaned in and embraced all of the unknown, it’s kinda fun to see the Spirit’s break out unhindered by our rigid plans.)

I was not feeling at the top of my game. I caught a cold and my energy level was on the low side.

But I found myself jumping on the trampoline on someone’s backyard with 4 kids and my friend, Sophie.

It was lots of fun. I got smacked a few times by stinky socks. And then we switched to playing with the swing. So when the worship session started in the house, the kids and us planned to join the adults. But the oldest kid, James, told me that he doesn’t wanna come in.

So I dragged 2 chairs and sit beside James, looking at the adult who started singing through the glass door from the back porch. 

I started making conversation with him.

“Why don’t you wanna go in?” He said he doesn’t like the feel of being a roomful of stranger.

I told him it’s totally okay to feel that way, because I felt the same way, too sometimes HAHA.

“I’m not even close to my father.”

He suddenly confess to me. And he kept going.. He told me about not knowing who his dad was for the first 4 years of his life because his dad was stationed in Afghanistan. He shared about how he felt so different than the other kids. How he didn’t feel belong, how he tried to protect his sister but he, too, got bullied and called names. How her parents are in a messy divorce and the court proceeding is still on going. He cried while telling his story.

I was a bundle of mixed feeling. On one hand, I knew that this is the Lord and His divine appointment. He set us up for this moment, and He opened James’ heart. I felt so honored and trusted by his vulnerability. At the same time, I felt so much compassion and sadness towards him.. 

“James, do you know Jesus?

What do you think of Him?”

“I’m not sure if He’s real. Even if He is, I don’t think He cares for me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because of my parents’ divorce. Because my grandpa passed away. Why all this happened?”

I understood disappointments. I’ve been there.

So I grab his hand and I asked him.

“Would you want to pray to Jesus, if He’s real, let’s just ask Him to show Himself to you in a way only you understand that it’s Him.”

While in my heart I was literally telling the Lord, “You better show up for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The other boy, James’ brother, climbed up to my lap and all of us watched YouTube of f a guy recording himself playing a funny video games of people riding bicycle through different kind of obstacles. 

When the adult finished with the worship and about to start the sermon, we went in to the play room.

Our plan was to do a little activation of hearing from the Holy Spirit like what we do with Sunday School kids the day before.

We got to ask the Holy Spirit what He thinks about the 2 cats, about the kids’ mom, and about themselves.

All this time, I can see that James was not excited about all this God thing.

He said, “I don’t even believe if He’s real.”

So I ask him, “But do you want to believe?”

I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL when he nodded.

“Good. Because I have my doubts, too. Many many times. Many many doubts. But we can pray, help us with our unbelief.”

We kept playing the game of hearing from the Lord and James even tested us if we really heard from the Lord by asking us why do we think he put on his Spider-Man suit. HAHAHA i love this kid!!!

I played a game of guessing words with mouth contraption that hold my mouth opened. And then we came to prayer time. 

“I don’t want to say it out loud because I don’t wanna relive it and cry when I remember.”

So I asked James to write his prayer down instead of saying it to us.

“Pray for my parents’ divorce. And for my papa”

I assume papa is his grandpa.

So we pray together with him. I pray for his heart and his mind, too. I felt led to pray for the lies that he believed about himself to be replaced by God’s truth. The next thing I know, he admitted to us that he felt like their parents’ divorce was his fault. 

“If only I hadn’t been born, they might not be in this state.”

My heart……

Later I found out that his father actually said this thing straight to his kid’s face..

By the end of the night, we tidied up the little play room. I hugged James.

I prophesied over him that God’s going to give him the best birthday present only Jesus can give.

“Toys? I have lots of toys already.”

I told James that people can buy toys for him, but this special gift, he’ll know that it’s Jesus.

I went out and I bumped into James’ great grandma and grandpa.

I prophesied over the great grandma about answered prayer and generational blessing over the great grandpa. God reminded me of the word He gave me when I went to a prayer walk the first thing we did when we touched down Phoenix. I saw the 4 semi-circular bridge and the Lord speaks about blessings that will be released from one generations to the next. It’s about the legacy of faith that is carried from one generation to the next and it’s gonna be exponentially increased in magnitude and weight. But it takes the older generations to pour out everything to the next generations, laying down foundation for them to build upon. It also takes HONOR from the younger generations to the previous generation that will unlock their inheritance of faith.

While prophesying, God reminded me that this bridge was not a decorative bridge. It has a basic purpose of getting people from one point to another. From one land to another land. He reminded me that the generational inheritance was not intended to bless just that family. But it will also includes and brings people from one point to another. Their legacy of faith will bring people from Egypt to the freedom of wilderness and into their promise land. I released this word to the great grandpa.

I’m done with the word and I looked on the other side of the room, James was prayed for by my other friend. I knew he had a little pain on the sole of his feet. James was asked to test his foot out and he took a few steps towards the kitchen.

“The pain.. They’re gone!!!”

I can tell he was so surprised. He looked at me. I looked at him. And both of us were in total shock.

I mean I knew God’s just answered my prayer of the unexpected gift only Jesus can give.

He knew it, too. That this.. THIS IS JESUS!!!

People was clapping and ooh-ing and ahah-ing. But when we said goodbye for the last time, little James ran towards me and hug me. 

My heart felt so tender right at that moment.. I told him I love him. And I meant it.

I went home. In awe of what the Lord has done… My heart’s still catching up to my mind.

On our way home, the Lord reminded me of the last mission meeting where we asked the Lord what He has for us.

“I’m going to show you your WHY.”

“Kezia, this is why you said YES.”

And then He reminded me of the vision He gave me. The vision of families restored, started from the one child who said yes to the Lord. Fire from the next generation that will eventually make way to burn the previous generation. Relationships restored, communication was healthy and Love starts in the family. This is how revival starts. From the family to the nations.

Well, the above vision is basically what the Lord has done in my family. It’ s not just a dream. This is something I’ve lived and carried my whole life.

“Do you know why James opened up to you just like that?”

…

“Because you’re a safe space. That’s who you are. That’s what you carry.”

He reminded me again of the moment He taught me to dream together with Him. He wanted me to build for Him a safe space for children and young people who don’t have a safe place at home.

“You are a safe space.”

I cried.

Of course. Kezia always cried when Jesus speaks.

I am in awe of the God…. How He takes the broken and the ugly and the dark part of my life, and instead of throwing them off to a heavenly garbage bin or something, He said,

“I want THAT part. See what I can do with it. Wait for it.. It’s gonna be beautiful and powerful.”

What the enemy has meant for evil, He turned it from my good and for the good of the people around me.

He then reminded me ONCE AGAIN of the importance of me having faith for my partner (AB. There I said it).

“I can bring a person to you. It won’t require faith, it’s not gonna be hard for you.

But Kezia. I need you to know that I’m building a legacy of faith out of you. As you said, revival starts from the family. It’s starting from YOUR family. Not just your mom and your sister and you, but also your husband and your sister’s husband. As for you and your house, you will serve ME.”

“I can’t do it without your faith, Kez. I can’t do it without you agreeing with Me.

I wan’t you to put your eggs in one basket. Trust me unreservedly, completely, totally.”

Honestly, I know that I started to wander off and started thinking,

“Maybe I can do this alone. I mean.. I have my purpose, my calling, my vision. Maybe I don’t have to fight for a partner, too.”

It’s hard, Bro. It’s hard to trust Him consistently HAHA.

But hey, it’s God’s purpose, God’s calling, God’s vision. It’s ours. But it’s not just about me.

Yes, God. Of course, for You, it’s a yes. Always. You’ve got my heart completely.

So let’s see what the Lord plans for the next one month of BSSM2.

You, sneaky Jesus. HAHA. 

I can tell that He’s excited and a little cheeky about it.

“I’m on the driver’s seat right now. Kezia, buckle up. It’s gonna be a fun ride.”

To tied up the whole encounter with James and Jesus in that house, I met the great grandpa a few days later. He told me that someone just prophesied to him again about generational blessing. Third times a charm, he said. HAHA LORD!

And then I realized that the bridge has 4 semi-circular parts and in that family, there were 4 generations represented and James was last generation. That means, his generation is going to complete the plan that will bring people from one point to the next. I knew that God has a HUGE destiny for him. That’s why the enemy wants to steal his identity as early as possible. NOT TODAY, SATAN! James is Jesus’ beloved son!

So now, every time I remember him, I’d pray for him and his family.

Every time I remember him, I’ll remember that very moment when God brought me to the boy who showed me my why.

Father, you can bring me out of Redding to anywhere you want me in the world.

I know that wherever I go, there’ll be someone I can love on.

Thank you for never giving up on me and my heart, Papa.

Thank you for showing me how redemption feels like.

I love you.