“Kezia, I need you to dream again.”
Earlier in my current season journey, when the promise was still a seed I barely believed in, I asked the Lord, “Teach me how to have hope. Because I know there will be times when I can’t see a thing and I’ll be tempted to doubt everything You ever said.”
“When it’s the hardest to believe, I want you to start dreaming. Dream beyond today, beyond what your eyes can see, to the future you know I’ve prepared for you. Dream will be the antidote of the pain in your waiting. It’ll work like a ‘laughing gas’ in the midst of the delivery of the promise.”
It was a few months ago and today, He reminded me to dream again.
Maybe it’s because I need HOPE the most and I need it NOW more than ever.
But before that, I gotta go back to the beginning, retelling the stories of what God has done this week.
Oh the wild wild journey with Him…
It was a normal Monday. I had the weekly Pastoral Track discussion in the morning.
I arrived an hour earlier, so I decided to read my bible and the Lord brought me to Ezekiel.
God spoke about my assignment through Ezekiel chapter 2, as clear as day.
“You are NOT being sent to a people of obscure speech and language, but the people of Israel - not to many peoples of obscure speech and strange language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you. But the people of Israel are not willing to listen to you because they are not willing to listen to me, for all the Israelites are hardened and obstinate. But I will make you AS UNYIELDING and HARDENED as they are. I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them or terrified by them, though they are a rebellious people.”
I saw a glimpse of my assignment in Indonesia. He’s going to send me to MY people. They will understand my language, they will understand God’s message. But then it’s up to them to respond to God’s calling them back to Him. My assignment is to be God’s mouthpiece. Unyielding to fear of man, hardened to their opinion.
DANG SON! THIS IS INTENSE.
And it’s not even 9AM.
The next thing I know, main session happened.
When Gabe announced that we’re going to pray for nations, my heart leaped.
I turned to Devina and I told her that this time I’m going with her on the stage.
I remember a few months ago when people were praying in their native tongue and I remember refusing to go with Devina to pray in Bahasa because I felt indifferent towards Indonesia.
I remember not having any attachment to my own country. But then I said yes to God’s invitation to go serve my own people. And since then I’ve been asking for His heart for Indonesia. I know that I would not want to lay down my life for something I do not love.
Something started to shift in my heart. Devina turned to me and saw the look in my eyes, “I think you should pray this time.” I agreed.
While waiting for my turn to go up the stage, multiple people pray for me. I couldn’t stop crying..
When Indonesia was called, Devina and I both got up the stage. Jess Butcher handed me the mic and I couldn’t remember what I even said. All I know is that at the end of my prayer, I let out a loud groan/scream. Something is birthed in me right at that moment.
Before I even got off of the stage, Dave Ward’s third year, a sweet girl who’s prayed for me at the previous RG, was there and she quickly reached out to me. “I ran to the stage from behind the sanctuary once I saw you here. It’s not a coincidence that you’ve been prayed for and highlighted to me on Thursday. You’re so worth running after.” She then prophesied to me.
My heart felt so tender and I felt so naked and vulnerable when I went off the stage.
Devina was right behind me and we walked through this fire tunnel.
And guess who I saw right after the fire tunnel????
Yes. AB was there.
WHAT?? But his country was called far before Indonesia. He should be back at his seat which was at the other end of sanctuary. Yet, there he was.
I didn’t know what really happened, it all happened SO FAST.
I saw AB. My heart leaped. Then he saw me when I was about to pass him by. The next thing I know he hugged me. He prophesied over me, something about me starting a ministry in Indonesia. I was too overwhelmed to pay attention. All I can think of is that this, THIS, HE felt like home to me.
I couldn’t stop crying and AB laughed at my attempt to wipe my tears like a kid.
He told me it’s okay to cry which made me cry even more HAHA.
Eventually I know I got to go (even when I wanna do is to stay in that moment forever LOLOLOL).
I moved to the corner back of the sanctuary, still crying, still overwhelmed by what the Lord did in my heart. The whole room was singing “Worthy is the Lamb.”
So I sang..
While in my heart, I had this conversation with Him,
“Father. You know I really really really want this. He feels like home to me.
But Father.. You’re the only Person worthy for me to lay down my dream and my desires for..
You can have it all..”
I cried again, this time, a cry of letting go and surrender.
And then I bumped into the same lady who prayed for me on stage, she said,
“You’re glowing. I can feel the Father’s pleasure over you. He’s so proud of your surrender. Thank you for saying yes to Him.”
…yes-nya berat Bossss.
I went home for worship practiced and then went out for home group. It was a busy busy day.
…and the funniest thing happened at night.
AB commented on my pick up line meme HAHAHAHA.
It was a silly pick up line that we talk about at home with Devina and Vitoria.
I posted it on my IG story and I thought it should’ve been disappeared by then.
Apparently not.
Because what happened after AB commented was that we talk for SO LONG and he gave me dating advice OHWOW THIS IS HILARIOUS HAHAHAHAHA. He told me if I like someone, just let him know that I’m interested and ask him our for coffee. HILARIOUS! Tbh I almost told him on the spot “Hey, how about coffee with me??” But I felt the Lord wanted me to wait. He’s cooking something in the background. Of course. You always have something up your sleeve, Father. HAHA.
I felt like this is not the first time the Lord’s doing His “trick”.
But right after I said a hard yes as a response to His calling, I laid down my desire and submitted them back to the Lord. The next thing I know, He OPEN DOOR or simply made way for me to connect with AB through various creative ways, this time: through a pick up line with a silly goose in the background.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LORDDDD!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??
DO YOU WANT ME TO LAY MY DESIRE DOWN?? OR DO YOU WANT ME TO WANT AB EVEN MORE? Sometimes I just wished He gave me a straight yes or no.
But again, I know that He knows that what I want is an adventure with Him.
So here goes.
Another adventure HAHAHA.
But one thing I’ve learned and reminded a few times this week..
My yes is not just for me.
I called my mom a few days ago and I could see the beautiful shifts in her belief system, even in the way she responded to the Holy Spirit and the way she listened to the Lord. I can see SO MUCH growth in her.
How the Lord convicted her to have a generous heart, for her to finally draw a line at her work and saying yes to the unknown, even the way the Lord speaks to her about being a mom who’s proud of her daughter simply because she follows the Lord.. wow, Father.. You’ve been so so so faithful..
And again, one of the class I’m going for actually said it best,
“There’s always someone who’s waiting at the other side of your obedience”.
I translate it as, “My yes is not just about me. My yes is for my loved ones. My yes is for the people I’m going to meet personally, or influenced by my family. My yes is for the generations to come.”
Never underestimate the power behind your yes.
So the question remains,
“What’s going to happen to AB and I?”
Well even when I’m typing this down, I can feel the warmth of my Father’s affection.
I can sense His playfulness. He’s a Father that goes down on all four just to meet me where I am.
*Wink* “Wait and see, Kid. I’m doing a new thing. Rivers in dry wastelands.”
HAHAHA. Of course, Papa. In the mean time, I’m going to dream with You.
Wild dreams. Impossible dreams. Out of this world-dreams. God-sized dreams.
About the future, about going to the nations, about a partner that’s so in love with the Lord he can’t not adore me with all his heart HAHA, about my family that serves the Lord together, about families around us that are transformed by Love, about the purified Church that burns with Love for the Father, about the world that is filled with the knowledge of His glory like the water covers the sea.
And until the Lamb get His full reward, I’m going to dream with Him.
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