So.....
Long time no blog. I guess it's not THAT long.
But so many things happened in between.
Kelyn's bachelorette. Wedding. Woghh. It was.. crazily hectic.
Happy for you my best best friend :):)
Okay.
Taking a breather, or two..
Then more things happened.
Good things, bad things.
It's a bit like in roller coaster ride, my life these days.
It's.. A kinda long story. Maybe someday, when it's all over, I'll write a narration.
Suffice to say, it's something I can't push out to the corner of my mind, even if I try hard to.
I've written lots of things about love and heartbreak.
(It's not like got it a lot, you know. Heartbreak, I mean. LOL. Just to clarify)
I can't say I'm a master of heart matters.
But I have a fair share of.. cases. LOL.
I know how it feels to stumble and fall and to wake up at night, crying.
I know how it feels to sleep and reluctant to be awaken because reality sucks. LOL.
It was me. Before.
But I think the hardest heartbreak was when you know your loved ones are suffering and you were unable to make it better.
You're so far away. You can't even give them a hug, or cry together with them.
The feeling of helplessness. It was.. Well. Overwhelming.
I was quite in the dark for a day or two.
I told the 'WISE WOMAN' (later will be called WW. LOL) that I was.. Clueless.
I don't even know what I should pray about, because I don't know if there's even a fair solution to all this.
Then WW said that just pray so His will be done on me as well as in my family.
So that's what I did. I do.
I pray. Because no consolations, or wise words, could make it better.
I pray. Because I know that He hold the whole universe in His hand.
So I just went through one tough week.
Work's fine. Everything's seems normal. GSS still excites me (LOLSS).
But under the water, something different.
I don't have the usual eagerness to joke, to laugh, or make silly faces. LOL.
Today was the toughest.
It's my bestfriend's birthday.
I've been waiting for today since, like, last month?
Well I don't know why I should be the one who wait impatiently for someone else's birthday. Haha.
Perhaps just to show myself that I don't forget. Like last time. LOL.
Or simply because I miss him. And at least I have a reason to say something.
Nine tiny words.
Nine tini-tiny words bottled up hundreds and thousands of words.
So unlike our usual chats. LOL.
I miss him so much that I even miss him complaining about his colleagues and so on and so forth. Haha.
So yeah. Did I say it was a tough day? LOL.
Then today's Girlfriends in God came.
I read the verse.
And WOW. Like WOWWWWWWWW.
It's like a warm current surged through my cold and shivering soul (halah)
I was.. Stunted.
Amazed.
(You can open below link because everything in today's devotion was simply awesome and because if I copy it here I might contribute in copyright infringement or something)
It's like you're trying to catch a breath and at the same trying to keep your head above the water while fighting the current.
I can't. I'm just not strong enough.
But then when I surrender, this Strong Hand dragged me out and remind me that actually I'm not drowning.
I won't.
I am in a life-vest, named Jesus.
He kept me afloat no matter what comes may.
Not only keeping me afloat, He carried me out of the deep and gave me a warm blanket of joy through The Royals. LOL.
I love you all guys. To the moon and back and around the world hahahaha.
And just now, WW's share was about JOOOOYYYYY.
Coincidence?
No. I don't think so ;)
Therefore I shall give thanks and rejoice. Simply because He is my reason to.
And just now we sing this song, well.. play it on, peeps ;)
And I barely can contained myself.
It's like the flood gate was being opened and I can help myself but crying out loud like baby.
A-not-so-cute-and-snotty baby. LOL.
For every words in this song reminds me that I was live by His grace only.
I'd like to quote, but every words seems like coming out from my heart so.. Here
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart.
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again.
Who am I, that the Voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Take away my job, my brain, my talents, my dream, my passion, my health, my house, my friends, my community, my family, my belongings, my bags and shoes LOL.
What's left of me to love?
Without them all, would anybody even consider me as a human being, let alone LOVE me?
But He did.
He loves me NOT because of what I am, not because of what I've done.
But because He IS love.
Well. I've been praying for an exciting and interesting journey of faith.
And there!
He gave me one :)
Good night blessed peeps.
Me love ya.
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