Doors

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FEBE KINAWA PANGGUA LUMILING!

My baby sister's just turned 20. Wow. WOWWW. Time flies!!

It feels like yesterday when I turned 20 myself. Lol.

You know that in your 20s you'd be facing lots of changes.

Challenges. Important and probably, difficult decisions.

Out of your comfort zone and safe cocoon.

Like graduating from Uni. Then finding your first job.

Then maybe, and eventually.. marriage and stuff *shuddershudder*

Febe was here during the weekend.

She went to FA. Just in time for special one, when The Royals met Blessed ;)

Then the next day she also went to TLG Service.

It's like the best of my worlds collided (in a good way haha).

And (as usual) whenever my baby sister visits me here, she always demand a good service.

And when I'm saying 'good service', for her that means, PLENTY of nice food. LOL.

One of them is IKEA meatball.

With or without horse meat, they're still the best meatball in town.

And you know what they say.

That the best fellowship happens during meal time. Hahahaha.

And yeah, we talked about lots of things over those magical meatballs. LOL.

The day before, we're having our lunch when WW (Wise Woman, FYI) mentioned me in one of her instagram feed. 

It was a picture posted by 'Lordposts'. Err. You can search it yourself.

Suffice to say it's like a sharp dart aimed perfectly to the centre of my heart.

B.U.L.L.S.E.Y.E.

Something about 're-open a door God clearly closed'.

And you know that kind of feeling, right?

Something you subconsciously know, but you choose to put it aside because it's easier.

You kept hanging on unto it because you don't dare to let go.

But then someone, or something, brought it out in the open.

And all you can do is just ADMIT that it is what you were doing all this time.

That's what I'm doing.

I'm trying to re-open a door God clearly closed.

Or rather, 'keeping 1 feet inside the room to hold the door from shutting down forever'.

Febe asked me these questions.

How do you know that THIS door was closed by God and not by your self?

How can you be so SURE?

Because if you're not, shouldn't you be hanging on to that door and never let go?

Because maybe, just maybe, someday you'll ought to regret it.

Facing these questions, I was reminded by a few things happened throughout these few years.

Things that assured me that it is one I cannot hold on to.

That this particular door were supposed to be closed.

At least for now.

And answering my sister 'queries' has reminded me of my commitment to love God and put Him first and foremost, above all.

(When I say all, that means ALL)

Until then, I don't deserve to open any kind of 'door'.

Especially, this one.

 It's not going to be easy.

To love yourself less and to put all of your desire after His.

Febe told me that maybe I was in the middle of the process.

Process of shifting my other feet from wedging the door open. Hahahaha.

And she asked, if it was what He knows best for me, why don't help me close the door once and for all.

Why let me, ME, the weak-me, to close it all by myself.

You know, it crossed my mind a few times. When times are tough.

Why let me do it? I was not strong enough..

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.

You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.

So don't try to get out of anything prematurely.

Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

(James 1 : 2-4 MSG)

:)

You know the kind of smile when you know that someone understands?

That's how I smile towards this door thingy now.

Yes, He can do the closing of door Himself. He can close any harmful door for me.

Easily.

Then I would never have to look back and I can continue my days like nothing happen.

But when He asks me to do it by myself, that means the process is what matters to Him.

I'll consider it a sheer gift, then.

Night awesome people.

:)