July :)

I can't believe it's JULY in a few hours!

Okay I don't know how many times I wrote this, but I'm just amazed by how time FLIES!

Feels like it's just passed new year.

That time I was in Jakarta.

Happy and oblivious that I'd fell sick at the very day that I'd been looking forward super-excitedly...

Okay.

Don't go there. Don't go there.

Remember the door.

Door.

Door.

Okay. So.

Yesterday was the 2nd time I've spoken in front of TLGers.

You know, I'm more like behind-the-scene person.

I wasn't born and bred to be a public speaker. That's for sure.

(Thank God most of the peeps is still on holiday :P)

I was supposed to share about 'Who's God for me' and these days I was constantly reminded of how He brought me to Singapore and the subsequent years afterward.:)

Yesterday I shared a tiny part of His grace allowed me to find a job.

But I know that it happened much much much earlier.

I think I must start with the fact that Singapore was never been my first choice.

In fact, that time I didn't even sure that I wanted to study those finances, accounts thingy.

I was halfheartedly into medical science and had been accepted by some private unis.

But then my mom asked me to take this exam.

English and Maths. I thought, why not? 

I was accepted.

Both of my parents asked me to take this uni in Singapore, so again I thought, why not?

At that time, home was not the happiest place.

I love my Mom and Dad and sister so so so much.

But still, home was not. The happiest place.

So off I flew.

University was the best.

Unlike the busy high school, I spent so little time studying and more time having fun and out with the others. LOL.

I never felt so alive.

Like a bird caged for years, I finally taste this thing called FREEDOM. Muahaha.

Every Sunday I went to BCS with my best friend.

Until the 2nd year of my Uni when I saw on the BCS bulletin that one of the cell group was held on Springdale, the same condo where I stayed at that time.

After, what, 1 year plus, if I'm not mistaken, I was made to play keyboard by Ko Remon lol.

To cut the story short, not long after that, it was time to look for a job.

I've graduated together with the rest of my housemates.

We're 4 girls looking for a job.

And all got it within 1 or 2 months.

Except me.

It was one of the darkest moment of my life.

When everyone was talking about their first day at work, I just stared in envy. Lol.

I need to go back and forth to Jakarta, then to JB, even once to Batam because I need to renew my social-visit pass.

Everytime the custom officer stamped my passport, I breathe out in relief because I had another 30 days to find a job.

I was so desperate.

I prayed desperately, 'God. I don't wanna go back to Jakarta. I love my life here. I love my youth community, I love my cell group. I just experience the joy of serving, please don't take this away from me'.

A few phone calls asking for my nationality/citizenship/residential status.

Only one call asking for interview.

It was a small manufacturing company in Tuas (yes. Tuas. Where no taxi passes, unless being called). One of the interviewer barely speak English. Sadly I can't understand Hokkien. The interview was a total disaster.

I cried on my way home.

I was waaay beyond desperate.

Devastated.

To the point that I only can say 'God. You know what I want. But I believe that You know the best for me.

Even if I must go back and leave everything behind, You have something better in store for me'.

Then Nana told me that her office in need of another accounts officer.

And that's where I am working up till now. Promoted within one year as a senior.

Currently, 2 of my cell group mates are also working at my office :P

When I was busy applying for various jobs (yes. Various. My JobsDB keep spamming me with random job vacancy like teaching Spanish to trading analyst to sales in travel agency. I set my filter to ALL kind of job, I guess lol) I didn't know why I should be the last one in finding job.

I mean, my grade was okay. I was determined.

I was not the kind of girl that run to mommy, crying.

I never failed in any subjects during my school or uni time.

I was not the dreamy type. I strive.

Then, why me?

Well I believe one thing.

That He works in ALL things for the good of us.

I didn't understand at that moment. But then I got it.

Back then, I was so sure of my ability.

I was relying of my strength, my power, my brain, my experience that if I strive and persevere, I will get what I want. I will. With my own strength.

What do they say? You make your own luck?

But apparently, in my case, it is not, isn't it?

Till the point that I surrender and completely given everything up, then He opened the door, in His time, for me.

Not by my might nor my strength indeed.

Even when I was promoted, I know that it wasn't because I work so hard (I went back 6 on the dot lol).

Or because I'm special or sumthing. I'm just one ordinary girl (woman?) with an extraordinary God.

It is true that His favor lasts a lifetime.

So. Yes.

Even when Singapore was my second best.

Even when I was only trying to 'escape', I was caught by His great love.

Beyond my expectations, beyond everything I ever hoped for, beyond my human eyes could ever see, He works wonders.

Now I'm still in Singapore.

I'm still allowed to serve. You can see me in TLG, if not on the keyboard, then among my beloved The Royals.

I have found a family.

If I could choose, I wanna be here forever.

I want to be in this place, in this moment, in this safe place, forever.

But if someday He asks me to leave, to be someplace else, to move forward,

I would just trust in Him.

Even if He asks me to go back to my hometown, to the circumstances I left behind in glee,

I would.

I never say it's going to be easy. Nor better (at least in our eyes).

But as long as He comes along, I'll go.

Because above all my hopes, all my fears, all my dreams, He knows what's best for me.

And you know what makes Him more awesome?

Holding the whole universe in His hand, yet He calls us 'precious'.

Creating stars and moon and even the sun, yet listens to every single of our prayers.

Reigning above nations, yet He cares for every tears we shed.

So, who's God for me?

He's the One and only, great Designer of my life.

Night Peeps.

(And although tomorrow's Monday) You are favored! Wohoo!