it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

“Kezia, I need you to dream again.” Earlier in my current season journey, when the promise was still a seed I barely believed in, I asked the Lord, “Teach me how to have hope. Because I know there will be times when I can’t see a thing and I’ll be tempted to doubt everything You ever said.” “When it’s the hardest to believe, I want you to start dreaming. Dream beyond today, beyond what your eyes can see, to the future you know I’ve prepared for you. Dream will be the antidote of the pain in your waiting. It’ll work like a ‘laughing gas’ in the midst of the delivery of the promise.” It was a few months ago and today, He reminded me to dream again. Maybe it’s because I need HOPE the most and I need it NOW more than ever. But before that, I gotta go back to the beginning, retelling the stories of what God has done this week. Oh the wild wild journey with Him… It was a normal Monday. I had the weekly Pastoral Track discussion in the morning. I arrived an hour earlier, so I decided to read ...

“It’s like someone’s dying right there.”  LOLOLOL I scared my housemate with my crying and wailing this morning. I’m so so sorry Gracie. Well, maybe she’s not wrong after all. Someone’s dying at that moment. Me.  I died to myself. It started a few days ago. I didn’t feel it anymore in my heart. I never experienced the real baby kicking inside my belly, but that’s what I felt in my heart. It’s like there’s no “movement” or “kicking”. I feel like something’s out of alignment. Something just doesn’t feel right. Initially I thought that it’s because I didn’t give AB a hug. The Lord asked me 2 weeks ago to give him a hug during a main session worship and I reasoned, “But it’s weird. But he’s so far. But..” and the moment’s passed and I forgot about it. So I thought if I did that one thing, surely the promise would come alive and kicking again. I mustered my courage and I gave him a hug. HAHA. I’m so short and I had to jump a little. It was a good hug. But still. I know that God was...

Today during main session worship, God asked me a question that made me go, “What? I don’t get it. What are you trying to say??” HAHAHA tbh it’s not that I don’t get what He’s saying.. It’s just that I don’t understand why He asked me that, “Ke, from now on, you can stop praying for AB and start praying for Indonesia.” I mean.. Does that mean I should move on and forget what He’s doing with AB? I wrestled about it a bit, but yielding gets easier and easier with each ‘funny request’ of my Father. So I told Him, “Ok Papa. I trust your heart.” But the next second, another thought came, “But Papa. You know I’ll think about him. And when I think about him, of course I’m gonna talk to You about him and isn’t it the same thing as praying for him? I mean I might not write down my prayer like what I’m doing right now. But still. How can I not praying for someone I love?” I heard Him chuckled. “Exactly.” Once again, I am amazed by His genius. With one sentence, He revealed what’s hidden in my he...

It’s 1AM in Redding, CA. I should’ve been asleep by now. Or at least doing one of the 2 homework that is due in 8 days HAHA. But my heart knows that I need to do this now. Now, before I lose heart. It’s been a while since God’s nudging me to write this one particular aspect of my adventure down and I kept delaying and delaying. I feel God’s saying, “Now, Kezia, now. Declare My promises now. Now is a crucial time. Now is the turning points that leads to an entirely new future. It’s crucial that you partner with Me now. Declare My promises now.” So here goes. This is me walking on water. November last year, I was sitting cross-legged on my bed. Talking to the Father. I remember struggling about my heart posture every time I was exposed to a new aspect of revival that was SO  BEYOND my box. I was struggling with comparison and the pressure of having to sound or look like anyone else when encountering Him. But He talked to me about something else entirely. “Are you sure you TRULY BELIE...

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1: 5 NIV “For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. My frame was not hidden from you When I was made in the secret place, When I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” Psalms 139:13,15 NIV The womb is where life begins.  Lately God has been reminding me of His secret place. I looked back and realized that 2020 is about God holding my hands and brought me back to His secret place, the womb where He’s shaping me. The place of hiddenness. It’s dark and lonely (well unless you have a twin HAHA). But it’s also the safest place where God can form the vital parts that will sustain my life outside of the womb. When God brought me back home, He positioned me in the safest place where there was no pressure of work, demand to socialize, and no responsibility to serve in any capacity, so that I can fully broken down ...

I'd rather slip Walking on water Than spend my life Wondering, "What if?" Lord, if it's You Tell me to come 'Cause You alone can tame the wildest wind At the beginning of the year, before the pandemic hits, somebody prophesied to me. She said, “You have this curious faith. God created you for adventures with Him.” But you know, adventure means new places, leaving your comfort zones behind. And the thing about a journey of faith is : it ALWAYS involves RISK. Banning Liebscher, director of Jesus Culture, wrote in his book “The Three Mile Walk”: “Too many believers are afraid to take risks because they think,  What if my dream does not happen? What if I step out and I pursue who God’s called me to be and do what He’s called me to do, but I fail in that?  We cannot let the fear of failure stop us from dreaming. If we do not dream, we disengage. Instead of leaning into God, we take a posture of pulling back from Him, which is not the direction we want to be moving. Bil...