it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok so basically I lost my voice since yesterday. I thank God for a day full of rest. I got to continue reading the book that has been abandoned for months. I finally got to watch Boss Baby online and successfully surprised myself when hearing my hoarse half-laughter-half-something-else lol. (Seriously, I sound terrible). And I got to cook! After all these times.... Anyway. Before going back to work with or without voice tomorrow, I gotta write something down for my future-self. These past few weeks got me thinking. I mean, a serious kind. Not the "what to eat for tomorrow lunch" kinda thought. I was thinking about the future. And the calling He has placed in my heart. It's like a hidden treasure. Something I'm holding on to when I need to make choices, or when the going gets, well, not so easy. While resting today, I was reminded that I still have loooong way to go in learning the art of resting in God. While life is full o...

So this weekend, my mom and Febe was in town. In fact, I've just sent them off a few hours ago. WOW! Wow God wow! That's all I can say.. I'm loving every second I spent with the two. Good food, good times. But above them all, good talk. The best kind of talk where God is so evident, so powerful, so ever-present, in everything that we said. Sometimes we tend to talk about God's miracle like it was so far away, so abstract, when actually it is right there in front of us. So tangible, we can grasp it with our hands. For example, when Febe mentioned about Dad and the accident and his sickness. We can see how God allowed his pride to be crushed. And out of a new-found humility, God shaped His character : more Christ, less of himself. I knew who my dad was, and I know who he is now. And all I can see is miracle written all over him. Through the worst the world can assume, God brings in His best for our good. Not to mentioned how God put a heart o...

Azik. These past weeks I have learned about the sovereignty of our God. Sovereignty - Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sovereignty Sovereignty  is understood in jurisprudence as the full right and power of a governing body to govern itself without any interference from outside sources or bodies. In political theory,  sovereignty  is a substantive term designating supreme authority over some polity. It all starts with a promise. God promised something that I never even thought about. I was in the midst of battling something in prayer, but He revealed something else. AH SUSAH GW GA BISA NGMG DULU. Not yet. Intinya, what I prayed about was answered with something entirely different. He gave me a promise that I never even dare to ask hahaha. And the biggest hindrance while waiting on His promise to be fulfilled is.. well, basically, myself. I doubt. From time to time He gave me glimpses and assurance to keep me going, but along ...

17  Though the fig tree does not bud      and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails      and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen      and no cattle in the stalls, 18  yet I will rejoice in the  Lord ,      I will be joyful in God my Savior. (Habbakuk 3:17-18) So last weekend I asked Him, "Search my heart, God." I was in good terms with God. Or so I thought. Because last week He unveiled the depth of my heart. He shed the light and I couldn't hide. I chose to confront myself. And God graced me with strength. The first thing I was made aware of was my doubt. I doubt myself. I know that I am here because this is where He led me to. But could I do what He asked me to do? There's a fear of disappointment that seize my heart. So sudden and so heavily laid on my shoulder, I gotta stop doing what I was doing and called out to my...

1  The  Lord  is my shepherd,  I lack nothing . 2       He makes me lie down in green pastures.. OK STOP RIGHT THERE. Today He MADE me lie down for real hahaa. I'm down with flu. Ok lah just a common flu. I got a whole lot of stuff at work, but if I need to rest, then SO BE IT GOD, I might as well enjoying my sleep-in day. So after a few episodes of falling asleep-waking up-falling asleep, He wakes me up with a thought. Next week a beloved of mine is going back for good. For those who read my previous posts, you might see how I was, facing this kind of goodbye. I was worried, sad, and so many how-if popped up. But God humbles me every time.  I learned a lot to let go and let God takes over. And I've heard testimonies from those whom He led home : God provides. And how they flourish! Like beautiful flowers, replanted on lusher ground, they experienced God more than ever! Where He leads, He provides. Always. I gue...

Ok. I can't believe my last post was more than 6 mths ago............ Hahahaha. A quick review on what I've written in June 2016, ci Becky told me her dream : me and bibits (with S because it's plural lol). Since then, too many things going on. Not only to me personally.. But people around me. To my loved ones. To TLG. A week or two after the last post, God asked me to step out of my comfort zone. He asked me to let go of the things I held very dear to my heart. He asked me to step out of The Royals. (Step OUT. Not step down.) It's so unexpected. So sudden. So controversial. So.. God. His voice was so clear, I couldn't pretend not to hear Him.. I never even tried to question WHY because I was too overwhelmed by His request. Haha. Knowing what He wanted for me doesn't make it any easier to say YES to Him. I wrestled. A lot. This is my family. The family that has accepted me for who I was.. Where I've learned that Jesus is real and that He heals ...

I'm rendered speechless by His AWESOMENESS . aaaawwwweeeessssssoooomeeeeee God! Gw ga tau mau  mulai dari mana, I might skip a story or two karena terlalu banyak yang pengen gw ceritain (salah sendiri ga mau spend time ngeblog dr kmrn). Anyway.. Peristiwa pertama adalah waktu gw lagi di rumah ciwiks. Santai2 di sofa sambil scrolling FB, gw liat foto si JM, Anes, dkk lagi ikutan Fuse retreat gitu. So sweet banget mereka light a lantern buat TLG SG, Scroll down lg. LAH?? Kok ada ini si Bocah satu. This is the person I've been praying about for many many many many many years, sampe anaknya menghilang, udah ga kontekan lagi.. lah dia muncul2 ikut FUSE! (for reference http://seraphinean.blogspot.sg/2015/12/curhat-4-best-christmas-pressie.html ) Bener2 gw SPEECHLESS men. Gila Tuhan ajaib! I mean AJAIB. Dari seorang anak yg kalo gw ngomong 'Tuhan' dia cuman roll eyes, lah bisa ikut cell group.... Hati gw berlimpah dengan syukur, which bring me to the next inciden...