About Heartbreaks

Azik.

These past weeks I have learned about the sovereignty of our God.

Sovereignty - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sovereignty

Sovereignty is understood in jurisprudence as the full right and power of a governing body to govern itself without any interference from outside sources or bodies. In political theory, sovereignty is a substantive term designating supreme authority over some polity.

It all starts with a promise.

God promised something that I never even thought about.

I was in the midst of battling something in prayer, but He revealed something else.

AH SUSAH GW GA BISA NGMG DULU. Not yet.

Intinya, what I prayed about was answered with something entirely different.

He gave me a promise that I never even dare to ask hahaha.

And the biggest hindrance while waiting on His promise to be fulfilled is.. well, basically, myself.

I doubt.

From time to time He gave me glimpses and assurance to keep me going, but along the way, I doubt.

I never doubt His goodness, His loving-kindness, His provisions, but this time.. He takes me to a whole new level in my journey of faith.

Ok, set aside the promise because there's something else that is entirely different but somehow related.

It's about this week's Jkt gov's election.

And the heartbreaks that follow.

I believe most of us who flew back in the middle and sacrifice our Annual Leave allowance experienced the same disappointment. Heartbreaks.

Personally, political dynamic's of Indo is something that I have never paid attention to.

Simply because I didn't see any point in it. Same old things, different faces.

But this time, it's entirely different. There's a hope for better things to come.

A man of God, with a heart for the people, reflecting Jesus in the way he is scorned, mocked, and rejected by the people he's trying to help the most.

Somehow we were really sure that God will lead us to victory.

And then came the heartbreaks.

When the fact sunk in, I was out with mom and Febe.

During the trip back home, I couldn't stop saying how sad I was. 20 times, at least hahahah.

And God reminded me about our conversation the night before election day.

I was tired from the flight and the macet lol biasa sih. During my conversation with God, I playfully asked, just out of my curiosity, who's gonna win the election and stuff.

He actually told me this result. Like, 3 times even. 

But I was SO SURE of the victory that I just brushed away what I heard and thought 'I must be too sleepy to sit properly. Let alone having a serious conversation with God'

I always say to those who ask : it's not about your effort to listen and understand Him, it's about our Father who longs to communicate, converse with us. Therefore, when we come seeking His heart, He will speak with ways that are tailor-made to us and our character to made us understand. After all, He is the Creator. Hello.

But this time.

I got what He's telling me.

Hearing and understanding is mutually exclusive.

I could hear Him without understanding any of His saying when I did not put God sovereignty over all.

In other words, "YOUR Kingdom come, YOUR will be done."

Not mine. Not ours. His.

It comes back to a heart fully surrendered.

I am truly humbled.

OK! Back to the promise I mentioned earlier.

Have I mentioned that I doubt, like, A LOT of times.

He knows the depth of my heart. He knows my doubts.

So today He spoke,

John 8:23-24The Message (MSG)

23-24 Jesus said, “You’re tied down to the mundane; I’m in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I’m living on other terms. I told you that you were missing God in all this. You’re at a dead end. If you won’t believe I am who I say I am, you’re at the dead end of sins. You’re missing God in your lives.”

I couldn't see His promise. Yet.

But the One who hold my world is living in the past, in the present, and in the future.

He is in touch with what is beyond my horizons!

Indeed, the power of a surrendered life doesn't come from the act of surrendering itself, but from the One who is now taking hold of the life surrendered.

This verse comforts me.. knowing that the fulfillment of this promise doesn't come from myself, or from anyone else, but ONLY from the One who made His promise known to me in the first place.

He has full right, full power, without any interference from anyone : He is sovereign.

He is living on terms that is beyond ours.

So I wanna give thanks for this (humanly) impossible promise of God.

Because then, when His promise comes alive, I can say that none of that ever come from myself or my undying effort to pray and stuff.

But rather, because my sovereign God has said so.

I won't settle for less than God's miracle!

To God be the glory.