17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
(Habbakuk 3:17-18)
So last weekend I asked Him, "Search my heart, God."
I was in good terms with God. Or so I thought.
Because last week He unveiled the depth of my heart.
He shed the light and I couldn't hide.
I chose to confront myself. And God graced me with strength.
The first thing I was made aware of was my doubt.
I doubt myself.
I know that I am here because this is where He led me to.
But could I do what He asked me to do?
There's a fear of disappointment that seize my heart. So sudden and so heavily laid on my shoulder, I gotta stop doing what I was doing and called out to my Father for help.
He reminded me of one simple verse, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."
When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.
As I repeated this sentence, the fear's gone. Just like that.
It's like.. The focus was shifted from my limited self to the limitless God.
Wow. His word is indeed a powerful weapon!
The second thing I was made to face is my feet.
My tired feet.
I'm tired of standing still and waiting for His promise to come to pass.
I thought I wasn't much of a planner lol. But I kinda put pressure on myself that a leader should be the one who give direction. And I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA what He wanted.
Well, I know the big picture. But like. What now, God?
He made me rest on His shoulder. He told me that it's okay not to be okay.
And through it all, He'll be the one who carry me when I'm at my weakest. Aww God :')
He made me rest and surrender.
He also told me that I've been asking the wrong question all these times. LOL God.
I've been asking WHAT's next. WHAT I should DO.
Instead He reminded me that I should've asked for the most important thing that I couldn't live without : His heart.
I was reminded that the very thing that cause Him to do what He did was His heart.
His heart for the people. His heart that is full of compassion for the sheep with no shepherd (Mat 9:36).
"We need to see as Jesus saw and feel as Jesus felt so that we will do as Jesus did." - Charles Spurgeon.
Ok. 'Nuff said God. Got it!
The third thing which is THE HARDEST ONE EVER was when I REALLY left The Royals.
I mean, I know that I've said YES to Him and I will always say YES whatever He may ask.
But I never thought that IT'S GOING TO BE THIS HARD!
Like when one of them realized that I won't be going to this Friday session and she cried.
Aww Hil.. I told her that I will still see her in TLG and whenever we meet later.
I mean it's not like I'm going back for good.
I put on my best brave-face but to be honest, I wanna cry with her, too!
Like Ci Gil said, "It's going to be different."
And when I saw iWitness that was posted on TLG Insta.
I realized that I won't be there to see them grow. I love every part of those Fridays, from the PW, sharing Firman and snacking lol. But my favorite part is the personal sharing of the kids.
It's amazing to see God's goodness in their lives. And sometimes God gave me glimpses of His heart. Like, how much He loves these kids. And my heart would swell with gratitude that I was there to witness His power that is at work and alive and changing people's life.
I know I'm going to miss those Fridays.
I told the Praptanas that I think I might have an emotional attachment with them kids and Ko Rai told me it was a good thing. I told you, at this moment, this doesn't feel too good though.
But I guess every mom who watch her kids grow must bide farewell when they leave their house one day. I sound as old as my mom now HAHA.
OK STOP WITH THE EMO STORIES.
Today during TLG (which I have skipped 2 weeks in a row for Isabel-Edo's wedding and Phuket trip) praise and worship, God told me to LET GO.
Oh well. My Father knows me best.
So I told Him, "I'm letting go. I let go. Help me to let go. Whatever you want, I'll do it."
I cried so hard I don't care how my singing-crying voice sounds like lol.
But that's an overflowing peace and it's like my Father's hugging me and comforting me.
Well. He knows I'm taking a huge leap of faith and He's been there all along.
Good good Father.
And the sermon that follows today's 'letting-go moment' was like one continuous message that superstrengthen my soul.
It's about dreaming God's dream. To grasp His vision that is gonna be WAAAY beyond your capacity right now because in the gap of your capacity and that vision is where the Holy Spirit gonna do the work.
And it's like all this time I was asleep.
And now I'm awaken.
I was reminded of the thing that God has spoken to me clearly and then confirmed by a man of God that prophesied to me.
When I first hear about it, I set it aside because I thought it was too big, too far away, too impossible.
But then again, if you asked me last year where I would be, I would say that I'm going to be here, TLG, The Royals.
Well, I trust God's heart. I trust His timing.
And whatever He plans ahead, God, I WANT IN!
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
(Habbakuk 3:17-18)
So last weekend I asked Him, "Search my heart, God."
I was in good terms with God. Or so I thought.
Because last week He unveiled the depth of my heart.
He shed the light and I couldn't hide.
I chose to confront myself. And God graced me with strength.
The first thing I was made aware of was my doubt.
I doubt myself.
I know that I am here because this is where He led me to.
But could I do what He asked me to do?
There's a fear of disappointment that seize my heart. So sudden and so heavily laid on my shoulder, I gotta stop doing what I was doing and called out to my Father for help.
He reminded me of one simple verse, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."
When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.
As I repeated this sentence, the fear's gone. Just like that.
It's like.. The focus was shifted from my limited self to the limitless God.
Wow. His word is indeed a powerful weapon!
The second thing I was made to face is my feet.
My tired feet.
I'm tired of standing still and waiting for His promise to come to pass.
I thought I wasn't much of a planner lol. But I kinda put pressure on myself that a leader should be the one who give direction. And I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA what He wanted.
Well, I know the big picture. But like. What now, God?
He made me rest on His shoulder. He told me that it's okay not to be okay.
And through it all, He'll be the one who carry me when I'm at my weakest. Aww God :')
He made me rest and surrender.
He also told me that I've been asking the wrong question all these times. LOL God.
I've been asking WHAT's next. WHAT I should DO.
Instead He reminded me that I should've asked for the most important thing that I couldn't live without : His heart.
I was reminded that the very thing that cause Him to do what He did was His heart.
His heart for the people. His heart that is full of compassion for the sheep with no shepherd (Mat 9:36).
"We need to see as Jesus saw and feel as Jesus felt so that we will do as Jesus did." - Charles Spurgeon.
Ok. 'Nuff said God. Got it!
The third thing which is THE HARDEST ONE EVER was when I REALLY left The Royals.
I mean, I know that I've said YES to Him and I will always say YES whatever He may ask.
But I never thought that IT'S GOING TO BE THIS HARD!
Like when one of them realized that I won't be going to this Friday session and she cried.
Aww Hil.. I told her that I will still see her in TLG and whenever we meet later.
I mean it's not like I'm going back for good.
I put on my best brave-face but to be honest, I wanna cry with her, too!
Like Ci Gil said, "It's going to be different."
And when I saw iWitness that was posted on TLG Insta.
I realized that I won't be there to see them grow. I love every part of those Fridays, from the PW, sharing Firman and snacking lol. But my favorite part is the personal sharing of the kids.
It's amazing to see God's goodness in their lives. And sometimes God gave me glimpses of His heart. Like, how much He loves these kids. And my heart would swell with gratitude that I was there to witness His power that is at work and alive and changing people's life.
I know I'm going to miss those Fridays.
I told the Praptanas that I think I might have an emotional attachment with them kids and Ko Rai told me it was a good thing. I told you, at this moment, this doesn't feel too good though.
But I guess every mom who watch her kids grow must bide farewell when they leave their house one day. I sound as old as my mom now HAHA.
OK STOP WITH THE EMO STORIES.
Today during TLG (which I have skipped 2 weeks in a row for Isabel-Edo's wedding and Phuket trip) praise and worship, God told me to LET GO.
Oh well. My Father knows me best.
So I told Him, "I'm letting go. I let go. Help me to let go. Whatever you want, I'll do it."
I cried so hard I don't care how my singing-crying voice sounds like lol.
But that's an overflowing peace and it's like my Father's hugging me and comforting me.
Well. He knows I'm taking a huge leap of faith and He's been there all along.
Good good Father.
And the sermon that follows today's 'letting-go moment' was like one continuous message that superstrengthen my soul.
It's about dreaming God's dream. To grasp His vision that is gonna be WAAAY beyond your capacity right now because in the gap of your capacity and that vision is where the Holy Spirit gonna do the work.
And it's like all this time I was asleep.
And now I'm awaken.
I was reminded of the thing that God has spoken to me clearly and then confirmed by a man of God that prophesied to me.
When I first hear about it, I set it aside because I thought it was too big, too far away, too impossible.
But then again, if you asked me last year where I would be, I would say that I'm going to be here, TLG, The Royals.
Well, I trust God's heart. I trust His timing.
And whatever He plans ahead, God, I WANT IN!
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