Just Another Love Story

I wish I could stop myself from writing about.. love.

Damn, I wish I could stop myself from actually feeling it.

Here's the thing..

Remember about the.. sucker I've written on my previous post?

Well, now I don't thing he's a sucker any longer.

I hate to say but I'm kinda lost here.

I don't know what game he plays.

I don't know what move should I take next.

For all I know I've weakly, foolishly, easily gave up staying away.

Months ago, if I happened to read statements above, I would laugh at it.

I would roll my eyes and sigh 'KIDS. Why so confused about playing games?

It's either you're in. Or out.

Now.. Is there anything more interesting you could talk about?

Something? Anything at all?'

But you see, when I'm the one that 'confused', I finally understood all that 'little chaos' inside.

How you need and hate a person at the same time.

How you curious about his feeling but afraid to hear the answer of your own question.

How you dread the moment he'll be gone and knowing there's nothing you could do about it.

How you don't wanna be hurt in the end but letting go is killing you, too.

How you want to know every single thing he does, he thinks, but don't want him realizing how important he is to you.

How you hope he would understand how you feel, what you need, without telling him literally everything.

How you wish you could love.. Without being hurt.

In real life, you see, like a two-sided coin, hurt is the other side of love.

When you toss the coin, you would have a fifty percent chance of getting each side.

In that case, it's luck that determines the end.

However, in life, fifty percent chance is never enough.

That's why I tell myself NOT to toss the coin.

NOT to think too much about the situation.

NOT hoping too much. NOT doing too much.

Let everything flow without me interfering the pace.

I know sooner or later things will change.

But then, I wouldn't be the one who 'toss'.

I just hold my breath and pray.

Pray that whatever comes out, the happy ending stays.

Yes, you could say that this is just another love story.

But for me, it's mine. It's my story to tell.

And my end to write.