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Whatever It Costs Me

Sometimes God met you in a very least expected moments.
And I think that is the reason why there's never a dull moment with Him.
Ups. Downs. But definitely not dull lol.

It's been a busy weekends. Febe was here for her birthday :) Nana was here.
I got to meet Kelyn's little newborn awww so precious :') 
And most of all, I've shared many things to many people. God's thing. The journey and the process.
And His promises!

But now I'd like to hit PAUSE and take a breather.
It's easy to write about things that are obviously beautiful. Or when things are resolved.
Or when your prayer is answered. And when the storm is over.
But He has just reminded me of something that is humbling and at the same time.. Terrifying lol.

A few hours ago, my sister informed me that she would stay with her friends. Again.
Lol yes I am a jealous sister. I know I've been busy. But I've arranged my other activities around my sister's plans. I've prioritized her. And when I didn't feel like she prioritized me THAT WAY, well, I got upset.
I used to throw tantrum (ngambek, ga tau Englishnya apa lol) if this kind of things happen.
But this time, I chose to NOT react immediately but instead, cried out to God.

"Help. I don't like this feeling Dad.."

I was in the middle of my nightly routine, showered, toner, moisturizer, all the girly stuff lol when the presence of God came down, like, out of nowhere hahahaha.
(I was like, wait God, wait, 20 more sec wait hahahahaha omg).
So I knelt down beside my bed and cried my eyeballs out right there and then.
Planetshaker's playing in the background..

I want You
More than my comfort
I want You
more than my needs
Holy Spirit
You are so precious to me

I want You
More than success
I want You
More than my dreams
Holy Spirit
You are so precious to me

He reminded me that He is more precious than anything else in my life.
And even as I'm writing things down, I still don't know fully, how to wrap my heart around all this..
He said, "There will come a time where worshiping me in your obedience means letting go of your precious ones, those that you love the most. There will come a time where you have to put everything that is so precious to you behind. Including your family."

Well all the tears tho hahaha.

These past week, He's sharpened His calling to me.
Revelations after revelations. Doors after doors.
What's with the triple acceleration, God? Why now?
Well, what I know is, He's never late, never too early. And I know that He's always good.
My good good Father.

If you read my previous post, I've mentioned earlier about a larger than life calling.
But what He reveals these past week was actually much much much bigger and I suddenly felt so small in comparison. I know that I'm totally helpless, powerless without Him.

And I know that for every step of faith taken further, there is a price to pay.
But I WANT IN. I WANT IN, GOD!
Even when it doesn't make sense, even when it hurts, I would still ask the Holy Spirit to speak louder than my thoughts and my feeling. And once again, I would ask for the strength to obey.

I want You, whatever it costs me
I want You, You're all that I seek
Holy Spirit You are so precious to me

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