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Childhood Drama

Yellow guys!
Been a whileeee!
Can't believe that Planetshakers conference was last week because so many things had happened lately!

God is good. Like. REAL GOOD!
I have readied myself for an inbox full of unread emails, at least one or two... hundreds. Haha!
But before lunch, I kinda settled most of them already.
A colleague told me, "You were so lucky. You've taken the best timing for a holiday. Nothing's happened in that 10 days."
That's not luck. That's God.

Anywayyy. I just wanna write a thing or two about the Melbourne trip.

(Bentar. Click here biar seru pake soundtrack.)


When I look back.. It's like seeing God's hands moved, and the puzzle pieces fell on the right place at the right time. 

We had a chance to enjoy the first 4 days wandering around the city.
Oh, all the amazing supper. Those markets. Glorious breakfast. Oh, the Coffees with capital C because they're so good! Man, I was spoiled! Hahah.

Along the way, there were things happened that reminds me of my childhood memory.
My family is not the kind that travels. But when we did, there's always something happened.
I called that 'Dad's tantrum' hahah.

I remember one day when we're in a zoo and I was about to ride this huge camel.
Dad was busy with his non-stop phone calls and it kinda irritated me.
Ngambek lah gw hahah. I mean.. I was.. 12?
So when we're taking a ferry ride, I was totally ignoring my dad.
Eh.. Taunya dia yg balik marah sm gw. Wkwkwk. Marahnya serem lagi.
Intinya.. That day we're on this day tour. The tour guide was superfriendly and funny.
We had a freshly barbecued steak for lunch and homemade apple pie for dessert.
(Udah lama tapi yg gw inget makanannya bahaha)
It could be a fun day. Instead, it was turned to be one of my worst.
I gotta keep my smile up and pretend that I was enjoying the whole thing when actually I was damn scared that if I moved or speak wrongly, Dad would scream at me hahah.

Imagine that happened every time we travel together.
I guess that's why I don't like to travel that much. Unlike others that always dream of a new country to explore, I am happy with where I am today. Or maybe I'm just scared of the conflict during one.
One thing I'm sure of, God wanted me to remember these things.

He also reminded me on one thing.
I am and always is a feminist.
Feminist? Apakah itu  nama majalah?
No, it's Femina.
BAHAHA!
Intinya kalo ada yg menomorduakan wanita, gw pasti langsung 'NO!' ya gitu lah.
Dulu sih kayanya lumayan frontal kaya bisa debat2 sama temen punya.
But after experiencing the love of Jesus Christ, I know that I am secure and that my identity is in Him, jadi gw ga bother lagi debat2. Wong Jesus has won it all gitu.
Iya, jadi I was reminded apa yg membuat gw begini mungkin krn grew up, I feel that my mom never got a chance to voice out her opinions. Like hers were beneath my dad's.

All these 'reminiscing' was before the conference started.

NAH! Akhirnya #psawakening mulai nih. WOHOO!!!
Gw bener2 excited pas pergi karena pas dulu ke Hilcon Sydney, God touched me so deep I was so tired during the 5 days conference, but so fully satisfied and saturated in His presence.
I WANT MORE OF THAT, PLEASE, GOD!
But the first 2 days was.. somewhat off.
Gw ga dapet apa2 rasanya.
Kaya belom poll gitu. Something was lacking!
Gw mulai mikir, apa jgn2 gw udah punya prejudice sendiri tentang gereja ini.
Like, I was told that ini PS lg prosperity gospel bgt. Trus gw juga rada shock gara2 the level of EDM in the praise was unexpectedly high. (Padahal gw pikir gw udah jiwa muda banget. Y&F jadi mild banget compare to this. Anyway..)
I prayed, "God, please just break whatever boundaries whatever walls I built around my heart! Please don't let me hinder myself from experiencing more of You! Whatever pride I have, whatever prejudice, just bring it down! Please please please!"
I was desperate! 

13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. (Jer 29 : 13)

Daaan.. Janji Tuhan adalah YA dan AMIN!

Hari ke 3 ada session yg ngomongin 'What's in Your Boat?'
Intinya adalah, there are stowaways in our hearts. Things that actually does not belong in our hearts that only taking up space and burdened us. Hurt, disappointments, bitterness.
Well, we must admit that while we're living in this fallen world, these things happened.
The thing is, would you let go of them and make room for more of Him?

See. I know those childhood flashback thingy was not random after all bahaha.
God always stirred things up for a purpose!
So.. I let go.
I let go and let Him restore what once was broken.

Hari ke 4 speakernya adalah sang Ibu Gembala.
Eh.. She spoke about similar stuff. Terus gw ngmg ama ci Gil 'lah kmaren kan udah?'
EMANG YA GW ITU SUKA SOTOY DEH!
Kadang pengen menampar diri sndiri. Thank God for God is God dan Dia panjang sabar.
In the middle of her preach, tiba2 dia bilang something along this line,
"I'm sorry for what I'm about to say.  If I make a mistake, you can fix it later.
Some of you may find speaking in tongue is offensive, but I just need to obey the Holy Spirit."
WOGH!
Ternyata selama ini ditahan2 ga worship sampe poll itu karena lagi disorot ama TV sepanjang conference. Mungkin udah agreement gitu kali ya ama si TV station. PANTES HARI 1-2 ITU KAYA KETAHAN GIMANA GITUU.
Well. Emang ga ada yg bisa nahan kerjaan Roh Kudus sih.

Then she worshipped.

It's like the floodgate of the heaven broke out and we are drowned in His presence.
GILA! Gw sampe takut nyungsep ke bangku depan gw. Holy Spirit rain down like never before!
In His presence, there's healing.

Dulu gw selalu berpikiran kalo gw adalah product masa lalu gw.
Apa yg gw alamin dulu membentuk 'gw yg sekarang'.
Keluarga, lingkungan, keputusan2 gw.
When Jesus came along, 'gw yg sekarang' ternyata bisa dipake Tuhan untuk jadi vesselnya Tuhan.
Correct?
Correct and incorrect.

That moment in His presence, I realized that Jesus was there from the start.
He was there when I went through valleys. He was there when I thought I was alone.
He was there all along giving me strength through the process. And now, an unfinished product of Grace, He is still perfecting and using me for His purpose as well.

Bedanya apa?
Bedanya adalah.. Gw realize kalo gw bukanlah hasil kesalahan manusia.
Gw bukanlah produk gagal yang akhirnya dibikin jadi berguna sm Tuhan.
No!
God is there from the beginning. Means all the ups and downs, those painful process, He ALLOWS them to happen so I can be who I am today. I am INDEED a product of GRACE!

It's like.. Something inside of me has been shifted. Broaden. Expanded.
I am humbled by His love.
It's true.. Those who hope in you will never be ashamed!

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” (Jer 29 : 11-14)

Total freedom starts when you say YES to His process.
God is more than able!



Good night!
You are loved :)

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