A Peace in The Storm

This past week was not an easy one.

But God is good all the times.

As shared by Bu Dokter from Isaiah 55

8 The Lord says, “My thoughts are not like yours.
    Your ways are not like mine.
9 Just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways,
    and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.

10 “Rain and snow fall from the sky
    and don’t return until they have watered the ground.
Then the ground causes the plants to sprout and grow,
    and they produce seeds for the farmer and food for people to eat.

What we always wanted is to live in a safe place where there is no hurt or grief or sadness.

But the fact is, while we're still living in this fallen world, rain and snow (or whatever kind of storm you're in) God allows them to happen for a purpose. After all.. God's thoughts are always, ALWAYS, higher than ours. And He always, ALWAYS makes everything work for the good of people that loves Him.

With every storm that He allows to happen, He reveals more of His loving-self.

..and last week I've learned about empathy. And forgiveness.

I have heard several times that empathy is a real thing.

Mr Google said : Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling.

Trust me. Empathy.. Is intensely real.

There's this moment last week, when something hapenned and I knew instantly that a friend of mine would be deeply hurt.

Shocked, disappointment.. and lots of sadness downed on me, which was kinda confusing because it has nothing to do with me. Well at least, directly. Dan gw sempet ngerasa, 'Apakah gw lebay?'

Another friend texted me and she said that : 'Ceh aku ngerasa sesek tiba2'.

I guess.. Empathy is deeper than KNOWING how one would feel.

It's EXPERIENCING the pain (at least a fragment of it) yourself.

Which leads me to the next thing.. Which is.. Forgivenes.

Gw itu orangnya cuek. Ga gampang ambil hati. Rada dablek bahkan hahah.

It takes lots of work buat bikin gw marah.

But when my loved ones got hurt.. It gets to me.

It's like.. I'm able to take it easy when it comes to myself.. But when it comes to my closest circle..

Well. Hmm. You wake a lioness up, Mister! Roar!

Which was why.. Waktu lagi dopeng.. Astaga. Hati gw ga bener banget.

I have tried many ways buat konsen. Mulai dari merem smpe nyanyi kenceng bgt sampe gimana..

Tapi tetep. Ganjel banget.

I knew right there and then that there's something wrong in my heart which I need to settle ASAP!

It's not about what people do to us. It's about how we react to it that shows the real condition of our hearts.

I have learned, in many ways, that sometimes we need to sort things out with the people in conflict.

But mostly, MOST of the times.. Forgiveness is about making things right with God.

Let Him open up the wounds, examine them, get to the core of the problem, and eventually..

Let go.

Letting go was not easy, I know.

That's why people say 'hold a grudge' because you actually HOLDING on to whatever it is that hurt you.

I remember the 12 -years-old-me. There were times when I got cross with my Mom and said bad stuff just to get even with her. But after this big mouth let those painful words out, then only my brain registered, 'Ke, you shouldn't have said that.' But what could I do? It's out in the open.

I'd run away to my room, slammed the door as loud as I could, emphasizing how ANGRY I was to Mom. Doing all while this small voice in my heart saying, 'You really shouldn't have did that'.

Then later that night my mom would call me for dinner but I was TOO ANGRY!! I didn't wanna go out! I'm ANGRY!! Then another 15 minutes my empty stomach would grumble so loud I didn't care of my so-called pride, I just gotta eat HAHAHA. So I slowly crawled down and, yes, eat.

That feeling though. That feeling of not wanting to let go of your pride, to let go of your ego!

But I guess, that's what it takes to forgive.. To let go of our ego. And let God starts the process of healing our pain.

After all.. Holding on to our grudge is like holding on to a leaking lifebuoy..

Eventually, you'll drown.

So I've struggled to let go of my ego. Like the 12-years-old-me.. I was just TOO ANGRY.

But I knew that keeping the anger will hurt myself and it certainly wouldn't help my friend to recover.

SO.

I choose to let go.

GA GAMPANG SUMPAH.

But God knows my struggle and He knows my heart ;') 

In the same evening after dopeng, He spoke to me during the offering sermon.

I never told anyone until recently, that giving (as in, money) is kinda hard for me.

There were times when I know I should give.. But I did not trust God enough to do so.

So while I was listening to a friend sharing how she learned to tithe faithfully, He reminded me of the parable of the unforgiving debtor in Matthew 18:23-35. And He told me,

'You know, Kez.. You know that you're not always faithful to me and you don't trust me enough from time to time. But then again.. Have I ever hold my blessings from you? No! You are lavishly loved by me. I would never leave you nor forsaken you. You see, Kez, how much I have loved you? You can love because I have first loved you. You forgive because I have first forgiven you.'

..I cried my eyeballs out there and then.

How amazing is His love for us??? Sampe mati juga gw ga akan bisa ngerti how deep how wide how high His love is for us! We would never know how He can love us like He does. But know this for a fact, HE DOES love us. So much.

Forgiving is a process of allowing God to heal ourselves.

The road to complete forgiveness might be hard to travel in the beginning.. But trust me, God heals.

His love could cover multitude of sins.. and hurt.

And while you're in the journey.. Know this :

The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
    He rescues them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

(Psalm 34:17-18 NLT)

He is our safe place.

Good night, Blessed People!

You. Are. Loved :)