Curhat #5 (Maranatha?)

Yellow hello :)

Yesterday was the first day back at work in 2016.

Udah galau aja Minggu malem kemarin. A bit afraid to see gundukan email and kondisi tray yang (mungkin) overflowing. But that's the thing is it? MUNGKIN. Padahal belom tentu.

So before I went to bed on that Sunday night I just prayed and have faith that God who helped David defeated Goliath, will help me to conquer my personal Goliath, too.

EH TERNYATA BENER KAN.

First day went smoooooth like banana smoothie bahaha.

But that's not the thing I wanna share here.

Jadi, hari ini gw agak ga enak body, jadi gw batal berenang bersama di Clementi.

Gw jg ga lari malem ini.

LOH LOH LOH. Kezia berenang sama lari??

Kalo kata si cicik, menanggapi gw berenang, "MARANATHA KE!"

Bahahahhahaahahha. Segitunya youu.

Buat yang kenal deket sama gw, semuanya sih kaget mayan ya.

Gw sama olahraga itu kaya speaker sama tusuk gigi. Ga nyambung aja.

Ya kalo diitung gembol2 barang sama mondar mandir di mall olahraga sih gw sering..

Tapi yang kaya 'diniatin' itu.. Kapan ya terakhir hmmm.

Kayanya pas gw kuliah jaman year 1 or year 2 yang ga tau waktunya mau dikemanain.

Intinya lama deh.

Maybe some of you said, "Pfft. Just another new year resolution. Liat aja berapa lama."

Nah. Itu dia di atas. Taun lalu aja gw ga bikin loh krn tau cuman kaya mobil with limited gasoline.

Pertama  mulus, terus tersendat. Eh macet.

Seriously, kali ini ceritanya beda. And I know that I gotta write this down for my future self, dan buat semua yang baca siapa tau diberkati (at least terhibur wkwk).

It was the end of October, exactly after Youth Revival Night (well, technically it's the morning before), that I was told that my grandma had passed away.

Well, she was sick for quite a while and now she's with God where there is no pain or suffering. When my time comes, I'll see you and your killer lemper, Oma!

So I took 2 days urgent leave and flew first thing in the morning.

On that plane, I was reminded how temporary life is : like flowers that bloom in the morning and wither the next day.

He reminded me, "Make sure whatever you do counts for eternity."

Tuhan percayain kita dengan banyak hal dan it is our choice to obey.

And one of the thing yang Tuhan percayain ke kita adalah.. Kesehatan.

Jadi dari situlah gw mulai berenang seminggu sekali.

Yang sampe si cici bilang "Maranatha, Ke" wkwkwkkwkwkwwkwk.

Kelar?

Ternyata belom. Wkkwkwkwk.

Liburan kemarin, selain santai2 kaya di pantai, gw bilang mama mau check-up.

Why? Karena di SG mahal, di Indo murah. Bahahah cheapo.

No, seriously. Kenapa gw mau cek up yak.

Gw rasa karena Tuhan juga yang gerakin sih ya. Nah gw berkali2 balik Indo, ga pernah mau.

Kenapa tau2 aja jadi macam health conscious?

Gw puasa, terus ambil darah. Gw jg ke obsgyn.

Dulu itu gw ada kista, ketauan pas jaman awal kuliah kayanya. Lupa deh. Soalnya ga ada efek sih.

Eh kemarin di scan udah ga ada. PUJI TUHAN!!!

Selain kista ilang, dokternya juga bilang kalo gw musti D.I.E.T.

Yes. Diet. Sumpeh ini tipikal ciwik banget.. Yang BUKAN GW BANGET.

Sebenernya ya, in case you're wondering, emang lu ga pengen diet, Ke?

Lu ga pengen punya body kaya Asian Next Top Model?

Honestly from the very bottom of my heart. Kaga.

Well, call me weird apa gimana..

I always feel secure with how I look.

Mungkin karena Tuhan yang udah bkin gw secure di dalem, jadi di luar itu gw anggep ga gitu penting ya. Wets jangan salah. Bukannya gw jadi shabby-looking apa gmn, itu bulu mata ga dianggep? Bahah.

In fact, gw itu diem2 against fenomena 'aduhh.. aku mau diet dulu kakak' terus pas kelar jadi merasa kalo udah look good on the outside jadi semacem confident booster karena bakal banyak yang 'kagum'.

Well, if one day 'someone' (NOT just anyone, if you know what I mean hahah) ask me to, then I will do it. Gladly.

But before that, I won't. Sumpah gw berasa gw itu aneh?

But it's like.. I want this certain someone to see me beautiful just as I am, through whatever facade his eyes may see.

But then again, God works in His mysterious ways, unveiling another side of me that I thought was OKAY. When it's not.

I guess He knows us better than we know ourselves..

Sebenernya waktu gw insist buat stay begini2 aja, refusing to change for the better, gw juga lagi insecure sih diem2.

Gw insecure sama kata2 orang yang kaya, "Lu bukannya diet, kok tambah gendut kayanya."

Or yang kaya, "Nah tuh udah kurusan. Bentar lagi dapet cowo."

It's like.. Come on, Man. Kalo cuman gara2 gw lose a few kgs and suddenly this person is into me, what kind of person is he? Because looks, for me, is never the factor.

Jadi begitulah. Once again, He peels another layer of me.

Diem2 gw insecure of what people might say, dan gw too proud with who I am. Which is a bit weird because both are contradicting each other, but somewhat, in my case, true.

Jadi balik lagi ke : musti diet.

Yang gw dapetin adalah bukan diet yang starve yourself sampe segede peniti sih..

Lebih ke healthy lifestyle aja.

Gw itu demen banget yang babi babi BAHAHA. Babi. Dan jeroan. Dan gorengan.

Jadi diet gw adalah.. Choosing rebusan over gorengan. Choosing ikan/ayam over si ayang babi.

Dan banyakin olahraga. Which was why gw baru menambah gundukan di depan dengan sepatu lari.

Biar semangat gitu. Seriusan gw ga ada sepatu yang bisa dibuat lari (ngejar bus ga diitung).

Yah, seperti kata si Mama : biar ga nyusahin anak cucu nanti.
Bayangannya aja belom ada.. Udah dipikirin bahaha.

Tapi most importantly, gw diet because I am obeying God and His direction and His process.

I am here to please God, and not human.

Gw diet karena gw tau kekuatan gw buat berdiet adalah di dalam Tuhan.

Kalo Dia yang memulai, Dia juga yang akan bawa gw through it.

Selain itu, bagus juga kan biar roh gw bisa berkuasa atas flesh gw. Damn you flesh! Bahaha.

Anyway, mau begimana bentuk gw, I am rest assured that He loves me for who I am and that's exactly why He wants me to start this journey with Him, which is for my own good, biar gw sehat!

How amazing is the Father's love :):):):)

Good night, Blessed People.

You are loved. He has loved us with an everlasting love!