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Curhat #3 (Bukan Orang Baik)

Tadi siang, seorang temen (sebut saja Budi) tau2 Line gw.
It's a screen-shot of another friend's post in Path (sebut saja Mawar).

Kata si Budi, "Mawar sudah tak sama lagi Kez."

Ya intinya, si Mawar (rada malesin pake kode2, tp yaudah lah ya bear with me) ini adalah temen deketketket gw banget.
Kalo dari segi karakter, dia itu bawang putih dan gw adalah onggokan bawang merah.
Bukannya gw suka menyiksa yeh.
Lebih kaya..
Dia itu tipikal menantu idaman dah. Yang bisa bikin mertua happy, suami betah di rumah, rajin berdoa, soleha, santun, sopan, rajin menabung, dll dll.
Nah ya gw macam yang kebalikannya dia dah : aga2 seperti lelaki (ga takut kecoak, serangga, dll), bisa ganti bohlam sendiri, volume suara agak besar (apalagi kalo ketawa), dll yang mungkin bisa bkin mertua urut dada wkwkwkwkwkwk.

Yah singkat cerita, gw ngobrol sm si Budi and I got it.
People change.
Pertanyaannya : ke arah MANA kamu berubah.

Honestly, gw sedih dan gw merasa a bit.. Ga layak.
Gw itu siapa sih? Gw bukan orang baik, Tuhan? Why on earth you would rather have me doing whatever I do instead of the good person that was this Mawar?

Dan gw diingetin sama renungan gw minggu lalu tentang "Love the Unlovable".
Gila itu gw sampe berkaca2 pas baca.
KENA BANGET. Because I find it very hard to love some persons yang gw ga bs mengerti dan selami. Halah emang sungai. Tapi intinya, 'those that are difficult to loved, are those that need love the most'. Jadi gw berdoa aja biar kasih Tuhan memampukan gw untuk mengasihi.
Cuman Tuhan dah sumbernya.

Anywayyy. Ada 1 phrase di renungan itu yang jadi rhema banget buat gw dan phrase itu yang Tuhan ingetin waktu gw lagi ngerasa 'ga layak'.

"GOD'S STUBBORN LOVE"

I think the song below explains it all.


Your ways are higher
Your thoughts are wilder
Love came like madness
Poured out in blood - wash romance
It makes no sense but this is grace
And I know You're with me in this place

Here now
All I know is I know that You are
Here now
Still my heart
Let Your voice be all I hear now
Spirit breathe
Like the wind come have Your way
Cause I know You're in this place




It's not about 'gw orang baik' or 'gw anak soleha' yang membuat gw adalah gw yang sekarang.
It's not even about me. It's ALL ABOUT JESUS.
Gw pernah baca di manaa gitu.. The only thing that God can't do is stop loving us.
Ya.. Simply because He is the true definition of PERFECT LOVE Himself.
It's not about 'gw bisa ini' or 'gw melakukan itu'.
It's about His never ending, never failing, never changing Love.
It humbled me so much knowing where I was, who I was, before He came and rescued me.
And when I shift my focus to Him, I can see that, really, it is all by His grace alone that I am who I am today.
Yes, it is true that I am weak. This Bawang Merah is still onggokan Bawang Merah.
Bawang Merah yang dikupas dikit aja orang udah nangis dan ingusan, di tangan Tuhan bisa dibikin jadi sambel yang enak dan bikin yang makan nagih. Loh?? Ga make sense?
Ya emang.
"It makes no sense but this is grace"

All I can say is just I am grateful for many things He has done and entrusted me with.
But mostly.. I am just grateful for His presence.
God, You are the best thing that ever happened to me!!!!
Thank You for never letting go.
Thank You for Your faithfulness.
Thank You that Your promises are true.
Thank you God.. For Your stubborn love.

And for Mawar (yaelah masih pake kode), I will keep praying!
One day we'll talk and she'll be the one confessing God's goodness over her life!





Night blessed people!
You are loved.

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