Culture Changer : A Tribute

2020!

A year where I started anew; a blank page, literally.

This time, saying yes to God has brought me out of my small boat…

I’ve said goodbye to Singapore, to Savills, to the comfort of a well-scheduled and sheltered life and (the hardest is) to the people whom I love dearly.

End of 2019 passed by like a whirlwind; resignation letter, handing over my job, dinner appointment with different group of people every day. And on Thursday, 19 of December, I surrendered my blue IC card. No turning back.

I can tell you the beautiful detail of God’s timely assurances. Not a step I dared to take (because every little things were just so risky) without God gentle nudges ushering me forward. How His love covered my doubts and helped me to go through the heartache of letting go of my lifelines… one by one…

But today I wanna share about something else.

Today I wanna go back to the very beginning.

Before the yes. Before the goodbyes. Before the breaking. Before the calling.

I wanna remember where I came from.

On CNY day 1, my mom read out lout an article from a local newspaper citing some statistics about a high percentage of Chinese-descended Indonesian that still felt that they are somewhat outsiders in their own home country.

Mom told us (me and Febe) about her childhood. One story stood out.

She was a high-school freshie, lagi OSPEK. Her friend and mom were supposed to do a door-to-door survey. Both of them dressed up like typical freshie with loose and shapeless uniform. But only mom received a question, “Kamu keturunan Cina? Are you Indo Chinese?” Like this question has any relevancy in this scenario at all. There were a few other incidents. All these has caused mom to dislike CNY because they’re like a reminder that she does not belong. FYI, my grandparents never celebrated CNY. In fact, they were not typical traditional grandparents. My grandpa was a lecturer in one of local university whose culture was more colonial then oriental.

Then we talked some more about the culture around us.

Which triggered a memory in me.

My late father (which I still miss from time to time), he was a real Indo blood. He was a Torajanese, born and raised in South Sulawesi. I remember a few incidents. One in particular. I was an elementary school. My dad was driving. I was seated behind him. He was angry about someone. Back then, when my dad was angry, he was REALLY REALLY angry. He shouted something along the line, “Dasar Cina.” More vulgar stuff.

I have trained myself to be as quiet as possible when dad was not okay. I remember sitting still. But I pondered. When my dad cursed the Indo Chinese, wasn’t he really cursing his daughters, too? I didn’t know that racism is a sign of deep insecurity and it transferred from one generation to the next. I didn’t know then what I know now: that my dad’s hatred had nothing to do with me. But at that moment, it felt personal.

Growing up, I didn’t even realize that my friends came from different backgrounds. I guess, for a little child, it does not really matter how one’s skin tone look like.

But yes, I remember one incident when I’m about to drink from my friend’s bottle. He said, “You can drink this. Because you’re not a huana.” I guess he does not know that I AM.

I grew up not hating anyone, because I cannot.

I’m both Cina and Huana. I cannot take side.

When I first encounter God, the first thing He worked on me was my identity. (He still is. Working on my core.) He challenged my thoughts, my confidence on who I was, my principals in life, my goals. On what is TRUE according to Him, and my kind of truth. I went through fire furnaces.

I remember one day in my early days in Singapore. I remember I was mad to God because I can feel the ‘hatred’ from both sides. “Who am I, God?? Really? Why you have to make me BOTH Chinese and Indo? It’s killing me not to be able to side, to never experience a true #chinesepride or #indopride.”

“You are My daughter. You are MY PRECIOUS daughter.

Why you have to choose one, Ke? Why can’t you be both?”

I realized right there and then that it’s a privilege to have my core identity shaken since the beginning.

Because who I TRULY am cannot be defined by the world. And the moment I grasped the Truth that I was born out of God’s love for me, well, man. That TRUTH was POWERFUL. I have a total shift in paradigm.

I don’t have to choose one. I CAN BE BOTH. And God created me THAT WAY so I can stand in the gap for both worlds.

Since then, I really consider this mix-blood thing as an advantage to learn from both culture.

WHICH BROUGHT ME TO THIS POINT IN LIFE.

I am now learning and observing so many different cultures around me. Somehow God has brought me to this point where I realized the importance of not only adopting blindly the culture around us, be it blood-related, be it the culture in our work place, in our home, even in the environment of God’s church.

A culture-changer.

I realized now that IS who we are. In this world but not of this world. This world is not our home for we’re just passing through.

We are the sons and daughters of our Father: The King of kings.

In fact, we are given the same power to exercise His authority in the world around us. We are made to be the salt. We are the light. We are supposed to be different. Different in the way we are conducting our daily lives, the way we’re making choices, the way we love and forgive. Not ‘weird’ different... But, ‘refreshing’ different. Life-giving different. Why? Simply because our Father is not of the world. Bringing the Kingdom culture should come NATURALLY to us. By birth. Not physical. But in spirit. It’s when we decide to say YES to God; to choose God’s way and God’s timing above ours, we are changed a little bit more. For the better.

But first, have we realized that not everything we believe in right now is aligned with God’s Truth? That’s why the Bible mentioned that we have to renew our minds daily. It’s a progressive transformation. Culture is not shaped overnight. Because before we could change the culture around us, we gotta change the culture WITHIN us first.

Can we really ask ourselves this honest question: Do we really live ENTIRELY by the Word? Or do we have parts of our life that we cover up so deep, because to change means to be uncomfortable? Once again, no one could help us uncover what’s NOT of God, because the thing about culture is... It’s so deep embedded in our identity, we live with this culture... We are raised in this culture... And unless we are exposed to an entirely different mindset/culture, we won’t have anything for comparison.

For example, I made some new friends. In a casual conversation after a small group meeting, one of my friends shared about his experiences attending a traditional funeral of tribe X (sebut saja suku X biar gw ga dikejar parang wkwk). He mentioned that there was a part where the grieving family has to listen to a public forum of talk for ‘guidance’ and ‘wisdom of life’. This ‘guidance’ includes a strong suggestion for the elderly son to find a girl, be married the soonest “to find happiness in life”, and to be “a good example” for his younger siblings.

…

And I can imagine why so many people are ‘cornered’ into having a relationship when he/she is not even ready for one. I couldn’t imagine 2 underprepared individuals, carrying so much baggage from the past, rushing themselves into marriage. And then the kids came along, all while the issue of fatherlessness in them have not even been addressed. Can you imagine the same cycle being carried over to the next generation? Same kind of brokenness, same bitterness, same bondage. I’m saying this because this is where I came from.

I mean, if God didn’t allow me to go through crushing so much these past few years, I can imagine what kind of wife and mother I’d be. Control-freak, dominating, mengerikan sangat deh. I wouldn’t know how to love my family through prayer etc etc. Just because I know Christ and serve in ministries, it doesn’t make those baggages suddenly disappear. Culture doesn’t change overnight. It took a TOTAL renewal of mind where I have to say YES and agree with God, so I can freely disagree with the world’s value.

I rather fight my battles now so that my children won’t have to fight what I’ve won.

TBH, I’m not the first one in my family who has the awareness to battle against the culture of the world. My dad, in all his limitations, was the first one who decided to marry my mom, someone who came from a totally different culture.

“Papa selalu ga pernah mau tuh. Kalo ada cara2 adat yang aneh, papa paling ga suka.”

He might not even be aware of it, but my dad knew that somehow, if he wanted to go further in life, he had to break free from who he was. And I’m now running my dad’s marathon as well, breaking free from who I was so I can be who I’m becoming.

Jeremiah 1:5.

FYI, for those of you who wonders how’s my relationship with my late dad after the childhood drama and all that. One thing I’d say... God loves impossibilities. That’s when He proves that He IS God. And we are not.

I heard this from one of Bethel Church’s podcast, a part of culture of honor series. About the fifth commandment, the command to honor our father and mother, which comes with a promise. Somewhere along these lines:

“You can either be connected to your parents through bitterness, or through forgiveness. If you’re connected to them through bitterness and offenses, you’re connected to the rest of your bloodlines through generational CURSES. If you’re connected to your parents through forgiveness and honor, you’re connected to the generational BLESSINGS.”

I instantly relate to this.

If I choose to hold on to the offenses of my parents and choose to play victim of life, I’ll inherit the generational curses (that is so obvious, refer to my prev post here http://seraphinean.blogspot.com/2018/12/2018-redeemed.html) from my family.

But when I choose to let God love break through my walls, I can see this battle as it is. My battle is not against flesh and blood... Never against my dad or mom. It’s against the enemy of our souls who only does this: kill, steal, and destroy. Kill the relationship, steal the vision, and destroy the whole generation.

What I’ve experienced this past years were so beyond words. I can see my father in a different light. I saw past his wounds and baggage, past his limitations. I saw past his weaknesses. I started to see a man with a vision for the young people, one that was so bold in making a change to make the Gospel relevant to the lives of the next generation. I see a man who is unafraid to stand against a whole culture. A man with extraordinary courage when it came to speaking the unpopular Truth. A man who chose adventure with God over a normal and mundane life.

*Hapus air mata

So, wherever you are in your journey with God, there is still hope to change things around. To stop being like the culture around us, but instead, to start filtering everything through God’s lens and His Word. And little by little as we are changed, we too, are changing the culture around us. Do it for you, for your loved ones, for the coming generation. Do it because God has paved the way by the blood of Jesus! Again, nothing is too hard for God :) Will you believe it? Like, would you really LIVE your conviction out daily? He is a generational God. He kept His promises from generations to generations. It's not a coincidence that God has placed me and you in our families. With God, it's never by mistake. Who knows? Maybe we're born for such a time as this.

You are deeply loved, People!

Special thanks to my perfect Father who’s reconciled my heart back to my dad.

Thank You for allowing me to have deep, meaningful talks with my dad before You called him home. Thank You for unveiling to me that the baton is now in my hand. I’ll run this marathon until my time is up and I gotta hand the baton to the next in line. I love You!