Things I Never Thought I'd Say #1

YELLOW EVERYONE!

Setelah seratus purnama yah HAHAH.

I've been wanting to write about this one particular topic.

Been fascinated about this since probably a decade ago (yaowo tua bner hamba).

I've learned from many sources, from sermons (online and offline), from books, and especially from observing real life cases, mulai dari parents, friends, sampe ke personal experiences *uhuk*

I didn't really understand why, among MANY topics, He chose to magnify this thing to me.

OK SO. Langsung aja.

Let's talk about........ *drumrolls*

SUBMISSION.

Google says:

submission

/səbˈmɪʃ(ə)n/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Yak itu tak copy paste mentah2 HAHAHA.

Ga ngerti lah ini dulu tuh semacam "cuss word" sih buat hambamu yang kepala batu ini.

Try saying this to me a a few years ago :

"Keke. You must submit to this person A."

And I would roll my eyes and walk away. HAHA srsly tho.

I grew up with a perception that submission equals to torture and helplessness.

I don't mean to exaggerate, but I have this thought back then,

"I'll survive on my own."

Ya dulu gw bilang ga mau nikah juga sih. DULU.

Then after I met God, He took me in a season of pruning in the area of.. marriage life.

OK ANEH KAN. I was barely 20. But I remember back to back to back to back conversation where God would pull out a sentence from my head and He counter the sentence with His Truth.

Over and over and over again.

...sepertinya sudah dipersiapkan sedari dini WKWKWK sebatu itukah saya? DON'T ANSWER THIS.

Here's the foundational verse (which made me cringe so much back then):

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.(Ephesians 5 NIV)

The verse after this is about husbands who should love their wives like Jesus loves the Church.

So from this season of pruning, my takeaway was that submission, contrary to my past belief, is not a form of torture.

Not at all..

In fact, as a wife, submission is the ONLY way if we want God to be in control of our family.

In one sermon, I heard an anecdote about one egocentric husband and his wife.

The wife had been praying to God to soften his heart because she knew that if he didn't change, God might have to allow him to be crushed to save him from himself.

I remember the preacher said something like, "When the wife submits and humble herself before God and her husband, she's in a very low position. So when something is 'thrown' to her husband, she is save down there. Only the husband got whacked." HAHAHAHAHA.

Since then, I decided that I love this idea of submission.

Because I don't wanna got "whacked". Ever. HAHAHAH.

My thought process went something like this,

"Ok. I don't wanna got whacked in the process. Meaning I gotta submit. Meaning, in order for me to submit, I have to look for a man that is GOOD at leadership and decision making. Kalo ga gitu, nanti gw ga akan bisa submit because I felt that at some point, I have some skill at leading people.

Jadi dia musti LEBIH lah. 

Love God more than I love God. Understand God more than I do. Lebih SETRONG dari aku. Yang pasti, he gotta love me first so I can submit to him.

I carried that thought with me.

Until these couple of years.

HAHAHAH OH I LOVE THIS ROLLER COASTER RIDE WITH GOD.

For those who haven't heard about this : I'm going to quit my job to pursue whatever God has for me in the future, including dropping market place ministry and focusing on building the Kingdom from the inside out.

INTINYA. I listened to many sermons online. Them preachers are mostly guys (which I'm totally okay with it and that's not even the point) and I observed one thing in common with all these dudes :

THEY ALL HAVE A STRONG, GOD-FEARING WIVES.

BOOM.

And from the way they talked about their wives, I could tell that they could stand there today, because of the unimaginably strong support of the wives. They are who they are today because of this partnership called marriage and this particular partner. Wow.

AH GILA SIH.

I saw that behind all those anointing, these guys are just.. guys.

Like every normal guy, they are flesh and blood. They are struggling with their humanity.

And while God calls them to be who they are today, God also created this lady who'll be his equal partner to run Kingdom errands one day. God knows that guys.. They need helper. And a helper is as important as a neck to a body. You break the neck? Byebye body.

Another thing I observed, other than the presence of these amazing women is..

All these guys are being nurtured by their wives to be who they are today.

I can't imagine how great the sacrifices these wives made just so that the husband could stand there on the pulpit.

It was.. Crazy. What kind of love is this? *berkaca kaca aku tuh 

Learning from my parents, I saw how my mom's prayer changes the course of our family history.

My sister, my father, me... We encounter God through my mom's secret place with God.

On the other hand, I saw real example how corrupted wives corrupt their husbands, too.

Wuh.. God.

Which brought me to the realization..

If a wife's role in influencing her husband and shaping her family is SO HUGE, that means, there must be some room for improvement for the man, at least in the beginning.

Kasarnya tuh, pas Tuhan bawa this man and this woman together, berarti masih banyak kesomplakan dari si pria dong? Karena kalo dah perfect, ngapain butuh penolong?

And if I put my expectation on this flawed person that he would somehow be able to lead me perfectly, I'd be disappointed and embittered over and over again. It's not fair to put that burden of expectation on a human being. Only God can deliver all of His promises.

No man can do the same. No man is God. Period.

Right then I knew.. OHMALORD.

All these times, I've bought into the lies of the enemy that in order for me to submit, I must be with someone who is MORE (in so many ways more superior) than me. Someone who can fulfill my expectation.

I understand now that submission has nothing to do with my partner and has EVERYTHING to do with me and God.

M I N D B L O W N.

Submission is a heart posture.

Submission is about me acknowledging God to be the center of my (future. for now) marriage.

Submission is about me declaring that God is the author and therefore, the perfecter of everything.

Submission is me laying down my right to be loved as I wanted to be loved and instead start serving my husband the way God wanted.

Submission is me declaring war against the enemy who would try to mess this generation up, starting with my family.

Submission makes way for God to move as we let God be God of everything.

Submission creates space for God to touch the untouchable and change the unchangeable.

Submission.. Therefore, is an act of faith.

Believing the lie that we have to be with someone who is WORTHY to be honored, we tend to focus on FINDING that person that is WORTHY of our heart.

And ladies, how much energy are wasted in this process? Because someone might look OOOH PERFECTION! But the moment you get closer, you'd see all the flaws. And let's be real. You'll be disappointed NOT because of the flaws, but because of your EXPECTATION was placed on a normal, flawed, human being.

But when we realize that SUBMISSION is between God and ourselves, we have to stop looking OUT and start looking IN to ourselves.

Have we took the course that brought us to the ends of ourselves and humility before God?

Ask God to seek through our heart for hidden pride that is caused by fear (bisa jadi 1 post lagi ini).

Instead of fixing your eyes on FINDING someone, busy ourselves with obeying every step God has laid in front of you because all of His YUCKY SUCKY process are good for our heart and our character.

We are humbled and become more dependent to God in the process.

And when we believe God is enough, submission is no longer a cuss word HAHA.

Submission becomes a virtue that separates us, Daughters of the King, from the world.

So yea, Ladies.

Believe me, the love our Father has for you, cannot be compared with ALL THE KIND OF LOVE of this world combined and multiplied by the number of the stars. HA!

Yes. that's how much He loves you. He makes it possible for you to submit without getting your heart killed in the process.

In fact, you'll bloom as you do.

Lastly, I believe that God knows our heart best and He knows what is good for our heart in the long run.

For me (HAHAHA NULISNYA SAMBIL PEDES), He knows that I'm bound to be prideful and the only way I would submit myself to ANYONE is by being submitted fully to God.

After so much pengamplasan and 'heart surgeries', i'd never thought that I'd say this.. But it will be my privilege to submit and to follow. It will be my greatest joy to cheer for my husband's every step of the way, to cover his weaknesses, and to protect him in prayer all the days of his life. Nyaw :)

BUT UNTIL THEN!

Cheers mate!

I gotta run God's marathon as far as I can because singleness, my friend, is a gift you can't get back once you say, "I do."

(Tapi aku mau kok Tuhan. Just like You say #idobelieve.)

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH.

I love this journey, Lord. I love You!