Fearless

IT'S BEEN A WHILEEEE PEOPLE!

Ohmy.

Life has been nothing but a boring one.

Twist and turn and twist and turn. Not a day passed just like that in God's roller coaster ride.

Do you know why I can finally blog after all this time?

God graced me with a 2 days MC. Ear infection. Normal flu combined with air pressure was not good, apparently. HAHAHA. Udah disuruh rest lagi.

Baru mau worried tentang kerjaan, God shut me up (like always),

"After all this time?? You don't believe that I can take care of all that??"

HAHAHAHA ok God.

I don't know where to start. Kelamaan ga nulis ahhahaha.

Blame it on Instagram! I wrote so much over there already. hahaha.

Anyway.

Sydney trip.

I went there for Linx and Pau's wedding.

I mentioned them in previous post. Linx and Pau are special in my heart.

I know it's much practical to attend their Indo wedding.

But, I wanted more than just the party. I wanted the holy matrimony. 

For me, that's the most meaningful part in the beginning of one's marriage journey.

I ended up going alone. Which is so NOT TYPICALLY ME.

I love where I am. I don't do travel for fun. HAHAH.

That's why when God said, "You're going to the nations." my very first reaction was, "Who? Me? Really??"

It's so funny how God chooses the most unlikely, the most unqualified, just to prove to the world,

"Hey, World! This is ME doing all this amazing stuff."

I am amazed by Your goodness, God :') so undeserving.

Really. Udah bener2 mau ga mau tuh, pas beli tiket.

I bought it last minute when it's confirmed that my room mate won't be going.

So. Yes. There. I clicked book. And I was like. Ok ya God.

Udah gitu next step, visa.

You know what. I secretly prayed, "God. If this is not You, please just let the visa be rejected."

Doa macam apa.

Approved dong 2 taun wkwkkwkwwkkwkww.

UDAH APPROVED AJA MASIH  NGEYEL GENGS.

Gila God sih super sabar banget.

You know what happened?

My flight changed from TR to SQ. Back and fro.

Yes, you read that right, my friend.

Gila aja dari Scoot yang budget jadi SQ dong.

He really wanted me to go ya. Ok la God.

MIXED FEELING WOY GUYS.

But really, God kept me really busy sampe ga bisa worry about anything anymore haha.

So here's a few things I learned during my trip. Instead of a long list of narrative of my days, here's my takeaways:

1. It all started with a "Yes"

I realized that I was here, in this trip, for a purpose. Not just for attending a wedding. That is the reason used by God. He knew how to make me GO. Other reasons that is not as important, He knows will fall short to kick me out of my comfort zone.

From one YES to another YESes. That's how God brought me from one place of faith to another.

We often think too much. Trying to use our small brain and limited point of view to calculate what's the best steps, best response.

GOD'S PURPOSE, GOD'S WAY!

All He needs is our YES.
I remembered how my little YESes started the roller coaster ride HAHAHA.

2. God's will. God's bill.

I went alone. But a best-friend of mine stays in Sydney! God was really taking care of my accommodation.

Jane is my oldest friend in life. In fact, her mom and my mom were colleagues before we were even conceived hahaha. In fact, tante Melia was there with Jane. So I was fully baby-sat during my trip. I woke up with hot breakfast. Man. It's been a while. HAHAHAH. I got fruit smoothies at night. Oh man. Really I was pampered!

I told God, "Wah God. This trip is really not a LEGIT solo trip ya."

You know what He said?

"Kez. You never meant to go anywhere alone. You never meant for solo trip.

I'll make sure wherever you go, you'll met people to comfort and be comforted by you."

..

ah gila sih God. Y U SO GOOD?????

3. The people, not the place.

Apparently, I've been asking the wrong question all this time!

I always ask Him, "So. God. What's in the next turn? Where do you want me to go? Uni A? Uni B? Which place?"

In this trip, God brought me to meet some people. Old friends, new friends.

But all for a reason.

In fact, the night before the trip, I saw an insta post from a friend. I knew she went to Hillsong college. That was a few years ago. I mean, what's the chance that she's still there, right? When I DMed her, she told me that she's still there!

Oh man! See, God brought me to some people, and some people to me, too.

I told God that I wanted to see how's the college is like etc.

I knew full well that I don't have any access.

Until this friend asked me if I wanted to join a class. Just to get a feel of how's the college is like.

I WAS MINDBLOWN BY GOD, REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!

So. Back to the question.

God said, "It's not even about the place, Ke. It's not about the place. It's about the people I wanted you to meet. You'll build their life as well."

Gila ya.. Emang sih gw share a few things juga. Not much beneran, namanya juga cuman ngobrol over meal. But. I can tell that the words given to me to be spoken to them are not just words.

They are God's words. And I guess. A sentence or two that comes from God, are better than thousand words from human's wisdom. 

I got my calling re-affirmed through some of the words spoken to me during this trip as well.

Wew.

4. Stop planning. Start surrendering and just follow.

THIS IS HARD FOR ME.

Like legit. What got me so frustrated before the trip was that I TRIED TO PLAN IT WELL.

REALLY. Like mau ke mana, day 1 day 2. At least a rough picture of how this trip would look like will be nice.

BUT NO. Beneran. God just stopped me from trying to plan anything.

What I wrote before the trip: "Collect OPAL from the airport." Gitu doang wkwkwkwkwkw.

OPAL is the transport card used in NSW. It gets you anywhere.

Below that sentence, I copy pasted some places recommended by Jane and other friend.

Bener2 copy paste gengs, ga ada tuh di liat2 dmna ini berada dmna.

GA ADAAAAAA.

So I arrived there. Found my way to the meeting point where Jane picked me up.

FELT LIKE A CHAMPION ALREADY TROLOLOL.

The first thing I unpacked was the party dress and the shoes.

I mean, well, I only got 1 day planned so far :  Linx and Pau's wedding the day after.

HAHAHAHHAHAH gosh.

5. MARRIAGE IS GOD'S IDEA!

Meaning, God's way and God's timing juga.

Mau gimana bakal ketemunya. Mau gimana pun prosesnya [insert fire emoji] dan selama apa pun perlu menunggu [insert MORE fire emoji].

When the chapel door swung open, ITU MATA GW UDAH BERAIR.

I legit cried my eyeballs out padahal Ling2nya baru nangis after 2 steps in HAHAH.

But really.

It's like the atmosphere of God swept over the place.

"This is ALL Me."

Gitu.

Gimana ga nangis sih.

And I can sense that this is just the beginning of God's plan over Ling and Pau's life.

I learned that it's like when the door finally met the correct lock, the covenant of marriage unlocks God's purpose for this family.

And right there, gw pun diteguhkan lagi. I was re-assured.

That the best thing I can do is just to keep on waiting on God.

To NOT giving up the wait, even it feels impossible (useless at times), even if it feels like giving up entirely.

But I learned a lot about freewill. About making choices.

About loving God through our choices even if God approves everything that you choose.

But this story is for another time, I guess.

6. God is the best planner ever!

Not only for the marriage thing hahahahah.

God is the best planner ever. Really.

When I finally gave up my ways (of making a well-planned solo trip), to just simply giving in to the rhythm of God's grace, He showed me LIFE!

For real tho. Gimana ya.
Looking back, most of the list of place and food was ticked off!

Plus I spend 3 sessions of Hillsong at Hills' service (incl one with Rich Wilkerson Jr) and 1 PREACHING CLASS I crashed hahahahaahahha.
Even there's this one time where I really wanted cakueh pake green dippingnya Chat Thai, but it's only available after 8.30pm and I didn't want to wait and the next day Jane brought home the cakueh. Hiks felt so loved.

PLUS. The last day, we went to La Perouse beach. I secretly wanted to go there. AND IT WAS SUPER BEAUTIFUL OH MY.

Even the weather was like.. Example: when it's city day where I got to go coffee-hopping, it was cool and not sunny at all. But when it's beach day, IT WAS ALL SUNSHINE BABY.

Who could ever plan a weather so perfect. I mean, even weather forecast is just a forecast.

The best thing in LETTING GOD be the planner of my days is that I don't have to be stressed out on detours. Simply because, I don't have a schedule to follow!

Bener2 sih. My Martha's side is getting smaller and smaller each day.

7. His massive arms are wrapped around you, protecting you. You can run under his covering of majesty and hide. - Psalm 91:4

Do you know that right now, angels are all around you, assigned to you to protect you from things that you don't even know about?

One night after a Friday service, I went back home alone. Jane asked me if I wanted to be picked up. I told her. It's fine, really.

So I was on the bus stop, waiting for my bus from Hills to Paramatta.

A guy in front of me asked which bus I was waiting for. Apparently we're going towards the same direction. We ended up talking about churches, about God and gods. The guy shared something about his confusion about life etc. And it's been more than 30 mins since I first checked on the bus timing, he offered if I wanted to share Uber 50:50, since we're going to the same direction.

I was like.

Er. No.

And when Jane called me to ask if she could pick me up, he asked if he could follow us otw home.

Ok. I wasn't really scarred off by everything. But I really didn't know how to get myself out from there hahahhahhaahahahah.

So I told the guy that the bus is coming in 11 mins (which is true according to the apps) and that I really needed to go to the ladies (which is true as well).

And Jane picked me up. She came in her pj's hahahhahaha so precious!

WUH.

God just laughed.

"You should know how many times I saved you from yourself, Kez."

And I did laugh, too.

Because the best all-coverage insurance is in the hands of the Father.

His love is still bigger than life.

He covers me even when I don't know that I am.

Well-covered.

8. Fear is the enemy

YES! Really. Fear is the enemy of faith!

Fear is like a big scary dog barking at us as we're about to take our step of faith.

One thing that I do know about this trip is that God brought me closer to my goliath.

I used to be so scared of being alone.

There.

I said it.

I used to be so afraid to be PHYSICALLY alone.

I mean, emotionally, I know many ppl is keeping me in their heart and prayer.

But, to be physically alone in a place that I don't even know.

It's like double scary to me.

But God has proven that what's scarier than goliath is the fear of that goliath.

If David was successfully spooked by goliath, he wouldn't be able to look goliath in the face, or took him out in ONE SHOT.

God has given us power to overcome all kinds of fear in our life.

Fear of death. Fear of losing the people that we love. Fear of lack. Fear of missing out.

The thing is, we won't be able to exercise this power if LET that fear paralyze our faith.

What God has done successfully in this trip was making me look at my goliath in the face.
Facing my fear of being alone, out of my comfort zone.

Yes. God sent me people that encouraged and would be encouraged by me.

Some other days, I was alone. But was I, really?

Because in the midst of my alone time, God constantly whispered His love and assurances to me.

I am never forsaken after all.

Love never brings fear, for fear is always related to punishment. But love's perfection drives the fear of punishment far from our hearts. Whoever walks constantly afraid of punishment has not reached love's perfection.

1 John 4:18 TPT

I love this verse for some reasons.

But the more I walk with God, the more I see this verse comes alive in my life.

I understand now why compared to faith and hope, love is the greatest.

I understand now why only the force of Love could break down the tallest and thickest of human's pride.

I understand now why, above everything, God wants me to love.

I understand now why everything we do, without love, is basically useless.

I understand now.

Because when we love, we reach out to God and God reaches IN to the deep core of our being.

When we love, we are changed. We are becoming a little bit more like God. We are becoming a little bit less than our selfish prideful human being.

When we love, we become braver than yesterday. We stand a little taller, run a little bit faster.

When we love, the thought of defending ourselves is being replaced by defending the people that we love.

When we love, we see God.

And God sees us as who we are:

Sons and daughters.

It's funny how God has brought my journey to a full circle from where I am to where I have started some times ago.

From the place of strength, to the place of surrender. From the place of glory, to the place of brokenness.

In the end, more than just assurance for the future, I was reminded the very reason why I am where I am right now.

To love. The way my Father has loved.

And when I love, my friend, that is how He made me fearless.

Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. -1 Cor 13:7 TPT