…looking back I was wondering why I was so brave back then lol.
I just re-read what I wrote 3 months ago.
THREE MONTHS!
Can't believe it's been 3 months! Can't believe it's the last trimester of 2017!
So many things had happened in the short 3 months..
I kinda lost count on the happenings.
Milestones!
First ministry trip.
First birthday out of SG (Indo doesn't count lol).
First (and hopefully LAST) experience of 'boyfriend-does-my-make-up challenge' wkwkwkwkwkwk.
The thing is, not all milestones can be seen easily.
For me, mostly are hidden.
Some are even hidden from myself. It takes God to do the unrevealing and unveiling of the heart.
And not everything He unearthed from the soil of my heart are beautiful things.
Some are downright chaotic and messy.
But that's how great the Father's love for us, isn't it?
He gave up the grandness of heaven so we could experience this Love.
Such Love..
And I assure you.
No amount of love could ever replace the kind of Love the Father has for you.
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
In fact, I would never be able to love at all if He never came to my rescue.
SO.
I kinda promise myself that everything that I would write everything as honest as possible.
So that God is glorified in every victories.
Even more so in my weaknesses and limitations.
In mountains and valleys, in every seasons, I would never stop declaring the goodness of my Father.
Because the constant in every seasons is GOD.
Everything that is not GOD is, well, variables. They would change in the blink of an eye.
But God. He does not change.
To be honest..
(Here goes)
Do you know the feeling that you're not home yet?
If you ask me where I am right now, I'd say, I'm in a completely new season.
Noooo. Not talking about the new relationship only tho.
I'm talking about almost every aspect of my life.
The feeling of being stripped off of your comforts.
Like you don't see any place where you can find consolations.
But in God's arms.
Going back from the ministry trip, He told me that this was just a beginning.
I wonder if this is how the Israelites felt when they were chased by the Egyptians.
Trapped between the red sea and the armies' chariots.
When moving forward is scary, but going back means SURE DIE ONE LA.
LOL.
I told God. WHY SO HARD, LORD?
Can you go easy on the process?
But I know that everything He places in front of me are for my good, not to harm me.
There's this one time where I was so unsettled, I decided to straightaway run to the Father. And through Matthew 14, He spoke to me so strongly. Gw nangis on the spot gengs. Thank God Shilton and Ijah were both too busy sleeping and watching movie nyahaha.
So in this passage, some of the disciples were on a boat trip.
The wind and waves were against them, battering the boat.
Then came Jesus, walking on water. (No wonder the disciples thought He was a ghost)
27 But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”
28 Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”
29-30 He said, “Come ahead.”
Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”
I wonder why Peter asked such daring request : to walk to Jesus on the water?
Why didn't he ask Jesus to just walk toward him instead of him walking OUT of the safety of his boat? If Peter did so, I bet he wouldn't experience the doubt and the sinking.
As I read these verses, I remembered my own journey.
…looking back I was wondering why I was so brave back then lol.
Why I was so brave back then?
Why I said "YES" to saying goodbye to The Royals?
Why I said "YES" to the nations?
Why I said "YES" to Hei?
Why I said "YES" to R?
Why I said "YES" to the stretching?
Why I said "YES" when He asked me to let go of the things I hold so close and dear in my heart, including my family?
God revealed to me His heart.
"Do you know that I knew EVERYTHING even before they happen?
I knew the disciples would think I was a ghost.
I knew Peter's "suddenly bold" request to walk on water. Because I knew Peter. I MADE Peter. I even knew that Peter would be take his eyes away from Me, to the wind and waves.
I knew Peter would eventually started sinking because of his doubt.
I knew that Peter would need my help."
"As I knew Peter, I knew you, Daughter..
I knew you'd say YES to everything that I am, because you love Me.
I knew you'd say YES to draw closer to Me, even if that means leaving the comfort of your safety boat.
I knew that you'd be distracted by so many things, and that you'd be condemned thinking that you're such a Martha when all you wanna do is just be Mary.
I knew that you'd get disheartened when you lost your focus on Me.
I knew that eventually you'd start doubting Me. You'd sink.
I knew everything because I made you the way you are. I know your heart."
31 Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”
But I knew that, like Peter, you'd come running back to Me because you have tasted my love and the comfort of my embrace.
You'd come running back to me, your Father, and I would never hesitate to reach down and grab your hands.
...
...
...
Gimana ga nangis kan?
The realization of being loved by the perfect Father is more than enough to calm even the strongest wind and thunderous waves inside us.
Preparing today's message for FA, Matthew 14 was one of the passage quoted.
And while reading this story once again, He revealed another thing :
32-33 The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down. The disciples in the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus, saying, “This is it! You are God’s Son for sure!”
Should Peter never asked to walk on the water, doubted, and drowned, he would never experience the saving hands of Jesus. Peter would never know the kind of grace that enables him to walk on the impossible ground is the same grace that sustain his life when he was totally helpless.
It doesn't stop there.
Should Peter never asked to walk on the water, the disciples in the boat wouldn't get a chance to witness Jesus love in action which in the end led them to worship Him for who He is.
Should I never said YES to God, I would miss out the experience of being rescued over and over again.
Should I never said YES to God, I would miss out the fullness of God's love.
Should I never said YES to God, I would miss out the chance to testify that it's not by my might or my power when it's totally GOD.
Should I never said YES to all God is, I would miss out on God.
Should I never said YES to all God is, I would miss out on life.
To God be the glory.
FYI, while typing all the above, the shuffled song was, "We Say Yes - Housefires"
You knock on the door of my heart
And I will answer You
I will answer You
You make me a covenant of love
And I will walk with You
Yes, I will walk with You
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid anymore
Your love has made a way
We say yes, God
We accept the invitation to Your love
We say yes, God
You and You alone can have it all
You lead me by waters that are calm
And I will follow You
I will follow You
You're dancing and singing over us
And I will dance with You
I will dance with You
I've made up my mind, I've got
No more excuses so
We open the door and we let You in
I just re-read what I wrote 3 months ago.
THREE MONTHS!
Can't believe it's been 3 months! Can't believe it's the last trimester of 2017!
So many things had happened in the short 3 months..
I kinda lost count on the happenings.
Milestones!
First ministry trip.
First birthday out of SG (Indo doesn't count lol).
First (and hopefully LAST) experience of 'boyfriend-does-my-make-up challenge' wkwkwkwkwkwk.
The thing is, not all milestones can be seen easily.
For me, mostly are hidden.
Some are even hidden from myself. It takes God to do the unrevealing and unveiling of the heart.
And not everything He unearthed from the soil of my heart are beautiful things.
Some are downright chaotic and messy.
But that's how great the Father's love for us, isn't it?
He gave up the grandness of heaven so we could experience this Love.
Such Love..
And I assure you.
No amount of love could ever replace the kind of Love the Father has for you.
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
In fact, I would never be able to love at all if He never came to my rescue.
SO.
I kinda promise myself that everything that I would write everything as honest as possible.
So that God is glorified in every victories.
Even more so in my weaknesses and limitations.
In mountains and valleys, in every seasons, I would never stop declaring the goodness of my Father.
Because the constant in every seasons is GOD.
Everything that is not GOD is, well, variables. They would change in the blink of an eye.
But God. He does not change.
To be honest..
(Here goes)
Do you know the feeling that you're not home yet?
If you ask me where I am right now, I'd say, I'm in a completely new season.
Noooo. Not talking about the new relationship only tho.
I'm talking about almost every aspect of my life.
The feeling of being stripped off of your comforts.
Like you don't see any place where you can find consolations.
But in God's arms.
Going back from the ministry trip, He told me that this was just a beginning.
I wonder if this is how the Israelites felt when they were chased by the Egyptians.
Trapped between the red sea and the armies' chariots.
When moving forward is scary, but going back means SURE DIE ONE LA.
LOL.
I told God. WHY SO HARD, LORD?
Can you go easy on the process?
But I know that everything He places in front of me are for my good, not to harm me.
There's this one time where I was so unsettled, I decided to straightaway run to the Father. And through Matthew 14, He spoke to me so strongly. Gw nangis on the spot gengs. Thank God Shilton and Ijah were both too busy sleeping and watching movie nyahaha.
So in this passage, some of the disciples were on a boat trip.
The wind and waves were against them, battering the boat.
Then came Jesus, walking on water. (No wonder the disciples thought He was a ghost)
27 But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”
28 Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”
29-30 He said, “Come ahead.”
Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”
I wonder why Peter asked such daring request : to walk to Jesus on the water?
Why didn't he ask Jesus to just walk toward him instead of him walking OUT of the safety of his boat? If Peter did so, I bet he wouldn't experience the doubt and the sinking.
As I read these verses, I remembered my own journey.
…looking back I was wondering why I was so brave back then lol.
Why I was so brave back then?
Why I said "YES" to saying goodbye to The Royals?
Why I said "YES" to the nations?
Why I said "YES" to Hei?
Why I said "YES" to R?
Why I said "YES" to the stretching?
Why I said "YES" when He asked me to let go of the things I hold so close and dear in my heart, including my family?
God revealed to me His heart.
"Do you know that I knew EVERYTHING even before they happen?
I knew the disciples would think I was a ghost.
I knew Peter's "suddenly bold" request to walk on water. Because I knew Peter. I MADE Peter. I even knew that Peter would be take his eyes away from Me, to the wind and waves.
I knew Peter would eventually started sinking because of his doubt.
I knew that Peter would need my help."
"As I knew Peter, I knew you, Daughter..
I knew you'd say YES to everything that I am, because you love Me.
I knew you'd say YES to draw closer to Me, even if that means leaving the comfort of your safety boat.
I knew that you'd be distracted by so many things, and that you'd be condemned thinking that you're such a Martha when all you wanna do is just be Mary.
I knew that you'd get disheartened when you lost your focus on Me.
I knew that eventually you'd start doubting Me. You'd sink.
I knew everything because I made you the way you are. I know your heart."
31 Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”
But I knew that, like Peter, you'd come running back to Me because you have tasted my love and the comfort of my embrace.
You'd come running back to me, your Father, and I would never hesitate to reach down and grab your hands.
...
...
...
Gimana ga nangis kan?
The realization of being loved by the perfect Father is more than enough to calm even the strongest wind and thunderous waves inside us.
Preparing today's message for FA, Matthew 14 was one of the passage quoted.
And while reading this story once again, He revealed another thing :
32-33 The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down. The disciples in the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus, saying, “This is it! You are God’s Son for sure!”
Should Peter never asked to walk on the water, doubted, and drowned, he would never experience the saving hands of Jesus. Peter would never know the kind of grace that enables him to walk on the impossible ground is the same grace that sustain his life when he was totally helpless.
It doesn't stop there.
Should Peter never asked to walk on the water, the disciples in the boat wouldn't get a chance to witness Jesus love in action which in the end led them to worship Him for who He is.
Should I never said YES to God, I would miss out the experience of being rescued over and over again.
Should I never said YES to God, I would miss out the fullness of God's love.
Should I never said YES to God, I would miss out the chance to testify that it's not by my might or my power when it's totally GOD.
Should I never said YES to all God is, I would miss out on God.
Should I never said YES to all God is, I would miss out on life.
To God be the glory.
FYI, while typing all the above, the shuffled song was, "We Say Yes - Housefires"
You knock on the door of my heart
And I will answer You
I will answer You
You make me a covenant of love
And I will walk with You
Yes, I will walk with You
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid anymore
Your love has made a way
We say yes, God
We accept the invitation to Your love
We say yes, God
You and You alone can have it all
You lead me by waters that are calm
And I will follow You
I will follow You
You're dancing and singing over us
And I will dance with You
I will dance with You
I've made up my mind, I've got
No more excuses so
We open the door and we let You in
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