A Little Thing Called Love

Hello from Jakarta ;)

Yes. I'm on holiday.

And yes, I do miss blogging.

So many things happened in between this post and the previous one.

So many events passed, memories to be bottled-up, lessons learned.

A friend of mine asking if I was heartbroken.

LOL. LOL.

It's not my heart. It's my laptop.

 

Anyway.

 

As I say on the previous blog, TIME FLIES!

It's almost 2014. Wow. Like.. WOW!

I'm not about to list down my 'resolutions' here.

But let me share something that I learned in this past year.

Well. And yeah. It's about this little thing called : LOVE.

 

I first learned about love from my family.

Well. I was born out of love.

And as I grew older, I see things differently.

As you might know, every family has their own secrets. Flaws.

So does mine.

When things get rough and rougher by the day, I see that love is temporary.

It holds, while it lasts.

 

In high school, I fell in love.

I like people before. But not like this. (LOL. So does every hormonal teenage girl say)

For the first time, every love songs make sense.

For the first time, I understand the meaning of 'head over heels'.

For the first, I experience 'I love you so much, it hurts'.

This kind of love was all-consuming, self-centered, egocentric.

I was addicted to the love itself.

 

In university, my guard was up.

Because I learned that not only it is temporary, love kills.

If you give yourself too much, you'd have nothing left in the end.

So I keep my cards closed, knowing that it is better off not knowing, than got hurt.

Oh, and I learned that guys play game. LOL. And no, I wasn't about to participate.

 

I was introduced to TLG.

My extended family.

And as time goes by, grace by grace, I'm falling in love. Again.

I never expect to. Never plan to.

I know you must hear this one "We love because He first loved us".

Well, I always thought that means I love OTHERS because God first love me.

But flashing back to my early 'love life', I understand that it is much more than that.

See.

The thing is, I was not able to fall in love.

Not because that I didn't want to, but because I COULDN'T.

I was disappointed, I was tired.

I found that loving people only drains myself out, in return of.. Nothing.

 

Then, things happened. (You may read my prev posts, about work life and TLG and The Royals).

Simply put, I now understand, that everything happened for a reason.

Things that was out of hand, things that was beyond my control, He turns everything for the better.

It's like trying to solve a puzzle.

A tiny bit here, another one there.

Things fall into places.

Plans that didn't work out, doors that were closed, were meant to bring me to where I am supposed to be.

And the realisation how my ruin He turns into beauty, brings me to my knees.

How all the wound that should make me bitter towards life, turns to strengthen me.

 

Have you ever have this feeling. You want to open up, but then, you're afraid of people's judgements.

You're afraid that opening up means being vulnerable, and instead of closure, you'll find more bitterness instead.

That's what I felt. Before.

If people see where did I come from, if people see what kind of person I was, they would see me differently.

But experiencing this Love, you'd know that all that doesn't matter anymore.

Because despite of all the flaws, all the nasty stuff you hide inside, despite of all the wounds and hurts, despite of your ego that was bigger than the universe, He loves you still.

And nothing, NOTHING, you did or you said will make Him stop doing that.

 

This realization change me.

Change my perspective on love. And on myself.

That I am able to love, is a grace. That I am able to love, because He gives His love freely.

It's not that because I am too special, or too cute lol, or too adorable or obedient that makes me worthy of His love. On the contrary, it is His love that makes me worthy :)

 

These days, I learned a few new things about love.

 

That love, means giving.

Er.. It's not about money. Trust me.

To love means giving a little bit (or more) of yourself.

It could be your time, your strength, your happiness, your ear, etc etc.

 

To love unselfishly, is a bit challenging for me (understatement of the year).

I tend to expect people to reciprocate, well, aren't we all.

But I've learned that sometimes, to love means to let go.

Let go of your expectation, let go of your ego.

 

I've just been to one emotionally rough nights lol, where I was holding down many things inside.

I was in the brink of disappointment, and honestly, I was really, really tired.

It is so much easier to.. let go. And just never returned.

But writing this blog, I was reminded that if you know you've given so much love, you'd be inclined to give it to others.

Simply, because you want them to see this world as colourful as you see it.

You want them to see

that

Love never fails.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Night peeps :)

You are loved.