Why I blog? Hmmm..

Hey All!! It's another long weekend here in SG.

Not as long as the one in Indonesia, but better then nothing of course ;)

I've been contemplating on things recently.

Like, funny how my mind works.

Sometimes people ask you things, which you can answer easily and immediately.

But then, some other times, when you're in the middle of something.. SNAP! Like a bulb being switched on, you remember all those questions and how you want to answer it differently.

For example: why do you blog if not for publishing your thoughts or share some of your stories? If you are not inclined to let people read it, why blog in the first place?

That time, I immediately agree that, yes, I blog because I want people to know my opinions on things (not necessarily an important nor useful info. LOL)

Well, I don't say it is completely incorrect.

I remember why I blog in the first place.

That time I was a wreck.

Not physically, more the unseen one. Mentally.

I was exhausted and compare to a blue jeans, I am completely washed out. Haha.

Then I feel an urge to write it down.

All the whirlwind inside of my mind and my heart, I just need to get it out somehow.

I tried spoken with others, but it's somewhat different.

People judge.

Okay, they maybe do not say it out loud, but they will have opinions on you and your story.

I was afraid that mine was too common.

Too.. Childish. And girlish. Because if I were them, I will think so.

Blog was blooming that time. So I thought, why not? It won't do me any harm.

So there I go.

I wrote.

I found it very easy to scribble out every thoughts that seems depressingly embarrassing if being said out loud.

Sentences by sentences. Lines by lines.

I spent quite sometimes for my first blogs.

Like a broken dam, current of words flowing out uncontrollably, LOL.

I written down everything.

And you know how I felt thereafter?

Total serenity.

The words unburdened me.

It's like crying, only better.

Because when you cry, you look ugly. HAHA.

But seriously, nobody manage to cry and look cute and the same time.

With all that red eyes, wrinkled pained face, and snots! Lots of snots. Ewwh.

And you won't be able to reflect on your tears, right?

I mean, after I blog, I always proof-read it, sometimes more than once.

Not only to spot a grammatical error or a misspelled words

(those are unavoidable anyway).

But re-read my blog gives a clearer perspective of my problems/my thoughts/my feelings.

It's like sitting in the far corner table of a cafe, where you can watch people comings and goings, what they orders, what being served to each table.

After re-reading it all, I often comes to a deeper understanding of the situation.

Of the cause and effect that leads to the state where I was in when writing the blog, like watching a flashback on your own-self.

I shamefully admit that sometimes I cry when I blog.

Just like when I watch a very sad movie where the dog died.

Or the girl see the guy kiss another girl. Ugh.

It's not always a sad one, of course.

I also blog when I am happy. Or in love. Lol.

Well, blogging really has all that meditating effect on me.

It's either subsides my tears or magnifies my happiness.

So yeah, no wonder I didn't come with these answers when being asked in the first place.

It's one long answer anyway. Haha.

So that was why I blog.

I said I have been contemplating on some things, right?

Maybe some other times I will tell you on my opinion on falling in love.

I Wikipedia-d 'falling in love' LOL.

The use of the term "fall" implies that the process is in some way inevitable, uncontrollable, risky, irreversible, or that it puts the lover in a state of vulnerability, in the same way the word "fall" is used in the phrase "to fall ill" or "to fall into a trap". The term is generally used to describe an (eventual) love that is strong, although not necessarily permanent.

Well, speaking about inevitability and vulnerability.

Should I let my self vulnerable for the second time, or should I prevent the inevitable?

Or since the vulnerability comes inevitably, should I walk away?

Or let it be?

Those questions, maybe for some other times ;)