A Larger-Than-Life Calling

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok so basically I lost my voice since yesterday.

I thank God for a day full of rest. I got to continue reading the book that has been abandoned for months. I finally got to watch Boss Baby online and successfully surprised myself when hearing my hoarse half-laughter-half-something-else lol. (Seriously, I sound terrible). And I got to cook! After all these times....

Anyway. Before going back to work with or without voice tomorrow, I gotta write something down for my future-self.

These past few weeks got me thinking. I mean, a serious kind. Not the "what to eat for tomorrow lunch" kinda thought.

I was thinking about the future. And the calling He has placed in my heart.

It's like a hidden treasure. Something I'm holding on to when I need to make choices, or when the going gets, well, not so easy.

While resting today, I was reminded that I still have loooong way to go in learning the art of resting in God. While life is full of busyness, of things to settle, of role to fill in, of people to meet, I secretly longs for a moment where I can be alone. Just me and God. I am grateful for the awesome people He places around me. People whom He love, and I love so much, too :) I'm grateful for every opportunity to share about His loving-kindness, His miraculous provisions. His promises and His perfect timing ;)

Well I have nothing to complain about! I just had a perfect Bali holiday with my kindergarten babies haha. But still, no holiday can fill the need of a perfect rest in Christ.

From what I gather, this 'rest' is not about the physical condition of our being, but more about how much our souls are being satisfied to its fullness just with God and God only.

I can be in total slacking mode without enjoying this rest.

Likewise, I can be in total battle mode at work or out there and at the same time being enjoying His rest.

So. I guess, once again, He made me rest. Again. LOL. You always know what I need, don't you, Father?

Back to the topic!

Last Saturday, my mommy mentor Gil (UHUYY), opened a Q&A forum about "Calling" to address some questions that were left unanswered due to time constrain in the previous TLG special service.

She shared something that is very very true.

That the basic of the calling itself is not in the calling, but in the relationship of the Caller and those who are being called. Got it?

This life is not about fulfilling your calling. It's about having a real relationship with God, knowing the depth of His love, knowing His character, His heart. And while you keep your eyes on Him, you will be AWAKEN to the purpose that He has placed in you.

The ultimate goal is never about YOU doing SOMETHING.

It's about GOD doing SOMETHING IN you and THROUGH you.

Now, THAT is life!

While it sounds so GRAND, so BIG, well, it all starts with baby steps.

Baby steps of faith by doing those little things God has entrusted you with. Faithfully. And with great LOVE.

Apart from that, Ci Manda also asked a question. To me.

She asked something like this, "To Kekez only. I saw that you are given a talent for music. How do you know that your calling is something else entirely and not this."

And while answering her, I knew that it's basically God reminding me of this journey hahaha.

The first thing I notice is the passion. I saw people that are passionate about music. I'm surrounded, to be exact haha. But not me. I even felt guilty from time to time of not having that passion. But when I was entrusted to lead The Royals, I finally understood. That passion. The kind that drive you to pray longer, seek harder. The kind of passion that drives you to pay the price of taking the extra mile. Anything for this people. I understood, God.

I also learned to be secure in doing what God wants me to do. Not what OTHERS expect me to do.

With only so much energy and resources, He taught me to prioritize.

I learned from David, actually. David the king that loves to strip everything away just to dance for God, that David. David, the man after God's own heart.

He understood that the best thing He could give to God is not by DOING, but by BEING.

He was a worshiper from the start. And God is pleased when David being just plain David, came and worshiped just as he was.

I learned that he is called the man after God's own heart not because he is perfect or blameless.

On the contrary. He was just a normal guy with normal guy behavior lol. But he never just 'do' what was good. He asked God, what He ACTUALLY wants. He seeks God's desire above other's/himself.

I have learned that there are lots of things I could do to serve.

But I will give everything that I have according to what He asked from me. Specifically.

It's been a looong struggle actually. To be firm in what God has set for me (I'm not saying this for everyone as each and every person was designated to a different portion and different task) and to not cave in to the norms.

But I promise you, God never owe anyone anything, for He counts every tears we shed for Him.

It's been an honor seeing lives being touched. Witnessing God's resurrection power in one's life could never be bought by the world's treasure. When you know the fruit of your labor is multiplied by God, well, it only motivates you to stay on the course just a little bit longer, a little bit further!

I don't think I ever wrote this down, ever, but last year, exactly these time of the year, during Holy Spirit night at the Church, He opened another door for me.

Well, maybe not 'another'. More like an 'expansion.'

So there I was, in the midst of worshiping, when God suddenly said, like out of the blue,

"I will give you nations."

I was like ???? Sorry what? What God?

But nothing was added on. No further explanation. Nothing.

I thought I was accidentally hearing a message meant for someone next to me lol idk.

It was forgotten. I was busy with the 'step out from The Royals' message lol.

Then one day in October, when I was about to get the ball rolling by appointing the next leader for The Royals, a man of God from OZ came to our Church.

He prophesied over men and women.

I was not the type that chase after prophets. I'd rather hear it first hand from God. Others may confirm His message.

So I got supershock when this man pointed at me, "Yes, you. The girl in blue."

I was trembling. Well, I don't know what he's going to say. What if he told me, "God has given you a special gift of celibacy." LOLOL NO GOD NO.

Anyway, when he hold my hand, the first thing He said was, (AND I WOULD NEVER FORGET UNLESS I GOT AN AMNESIA OR SOMETHING),

"God will give you nations"

..

..

..

I only can cry my eyeballs out right there and then.

Among many other things he told me that night, the first one was more than enough to capture my attention, and give my heart a firm grip that GOD was the one who do all the talking.

(And no, no celibacy talk. lol. On the contrary. He said, "God hears my cry" LOL even Ko Rai loled hearing this).

Yeah so.

If you asked me how? What? When? Where? ..who?

Hahahahaha I only can say I DONTTTT KNOWWWWW.

What I know is God has shown me His larger-than-life calling which I know is ALL ABOUT HIM.

First, I don't like travelling. I know, I know, I'm weird. But I just like the warmth of my home so much, I don't bother making plans, itineraries and stuff lol.

Secondly, well, I just love my comfort zone. And making friends or being comfortable in a new environment is really not my forte.

THAT'S how I know this is God calling me. Simply because this 'idea' would never cross my mind. And I know that I won't be able to do it by myself.

What I have is a heart that wants to obey.

One other thing the prophet told me was, "You have inherited faith from your parents. But it will be greater in you."

What I can say is.. I believe this God-given-faith is what started this God-initiated-journey.

So, God, I pray for a supernatural obedience that won't ever budge to circumstances, or shaken by people's opinion.

For I will only run for 1 audience only : You.

To God be the glory.