SO!
I don't know where to start. But I certainly could say that THIS is not the end.
God is not done yet.
In fact, earlier today I was discussing things with Ijah and we both agreed on something : we are on an accelerated roller coaster ride. Faster than ever! Higher than we ever been before!
There are milestones in life. Like moments when you graduated uni, or when your PR is approved. When you moved overseas or going back for good. Moments that marked a change in the season of life. But there are other kinds of moments : intangible, but leaving marks so deep your brain might let go but your soul never will.
And last week was THAT kind of moments. A series of events that, combined together, was just..
Well. I couldn't find A WORD to describe it best. But I would try my best to re-tell the story.
Here goes. (Beware. It's gonna be long)
I was considering a one day leave, a half-day plus another half-day, or simply a 2 days leave to attend Empowered21. If you're a working adult you'll know how precious your leave allowance is hahahaha. (MC is never an option for me. Personally, I just couldn't fake it for whatever reason hahah) Weighing pros and cons, somehow I just didn't want to miss out on anything. If God wanted to talk to me, then I'd make myself available to sit still and listen. I decided to go all out then. So I took 2 days leave.
Came Tuesday, H-1 before E21. I was out with the rest hanging out at McD (as always haha) when I was asked if I'd like to fill in for Thursday morning session. I was like.... Is no one around? I'm not even a singer, hello?
Apparently no one's around. Really. Considering the number of PW members of our church, this kinda weird hahaha. But then again, I know God when I hear Him. So I just said yes. Not to men, but to God.
It's only on Wednesday opening night, it downed on me that the next morning I was going to sing in front of 7,000 plus people. OH MAN............
The next morning was kinda surreal. Or maybe I was just sleepy then bahaha.
7.30 at Expo we gotta be there for a 30 mins practice. Oh em ji. I couldn't tell if I was nervous or just hungry but the combination of being in a big stage plus the in-ear-monitor thingy was just.. unreal.
When the time came for us PW team to step up there, I stared at the crowd and all those lights. Ok.
But when it comes to the worship itself, I just closed my eyes and the crowd disappeared. And it's just me and God. The two of us, basically.
Ko Rai texted us, me and ci Beck. Saying how it was so unreal that both of us, not only one, were there. Serving, not only a church, but nations (I think they mentioned there were 49 nations represented in E21). I thanked God. I told Him that I was beyond grateful.
But He's not finished. Yet.
Because Thursday night, I was told that I would be singing for the closing PW session on Friday night as well. I was........................................ God. I can't even..
Cut the story short, Friday evening I got to meet Bapak Welyar Kauntu the legendary WL.
I was okay until we finished practice.
I felt so inadequate. So out of place.
I asked God, "What am I doing here?"
I mean, in terms of singing skill, I was average. I hit the notes, but yeaaa like that only lol.
I never been equipped or given any technical knowledge on how to sing properly.
"What am I doing here, God."
And like He always does, He knows how to silent the doubt in His daughter's heart.
"You know what, Kez? I opened door, just like that. Besides, it's not about you. It's about ME."
So powerful He spoke, I was humbled and instantly, calmed.
The crowd was crazy............
I was talking about them kiddos who rushed just to get in the very front row of the stage, just to scream "KEEEEEEEKEEEEEEEEEEEZ" recording Insta story and stuff lol. I couldn't remain stoic, I grinned from ear to ear lol. Love you guys.
Yesterday after TLG I told this story to some of Hei kiddos.
When I told them how I felt so limited, not even equipped as a singer, ko Ceka said something along this line,
"There's a difference between a singer and a worshiper. You are a worshiper."
I was humbled. I was reminded that it's true, God uses what the world considers weak to shame the strong, just to show that in God's economy, everything is only based on His say-so, His truth, not other's. I was privileged.. Not because He put me under a limelight for a day, but because in my weaknesses, in my limitations, there is only one name I can boast about : His.
The end.
NO LAH THERE'S SO MUCH MORE!
On the second day, ci Beck and I rushed to collect tickets for Youth Leader's Class.
There were 3 streams following the afternoon session: senior leaders, youth leaders, and those who couldn't get tickets for the 2 streams will be joining a session in the main hall.
There's only about 200 tix for the senior and youth leaders (I think, because I only focused on the Youth one lololol). When I reached the room, I saw RUSSEL EVANS.
I'm not the fan-girl type, okay. I don't have any favorite singer or actors or whatnot.
But I would never forget the life-changing atmosphere in Planetshakers conference.
How all the youth were so empowered, you could feel the energy like electricity in the air, it brought down God's presence that was so so so so tangible you could not stand quite and not worshiping!
Anywaysss. LOL. Not a fan-girl, remember.
What Ps Evans share resonates with the message God planted in my heart all this time.
Radical obedience. The kind that would require 100% conviction that God is in control, and not men.
To be brave and courageous to be willing to pay the price to see His kingdom come. No matter what the cost.
"At the end of your obedience is your miracles."
I was crying the whole session. No music or any kind of emotional thingy tugging on my heart-string.
What I knew was the Holy Spirit did something in my heart, I couldn't help but responding in tears.
After sermon, there's this Q&A session. And in one question Ps Evans called some people to help illustrate his points.
Guess who did he call?
YES! YOURS TRULY! OH EMM GEEE. The three of us, Ko Rai, Dedi and I went up the stage.
No one was more excited that I hahahahhaa. GOD! What a bonus hahahahah.
I was hungry for the Friday Youth Leader's Track. BUT..... As we queued for the tix, we were told that no ticket left. Well, saddddd. BUT I GOT THE FIRST SESSION WITH PS EVANS AND THAT'S ENOUGH RIGHT!
Wrong lol. Because then Ci Sansan managed to get us 5 tickets lol.
GOD WHY YOU SO GOOD EH??????
(Sorry for so many caps. I was just too excited)
The Friday track was led by Sara Castellanos, a young preacher with a heart so big, you can feel the fire in her sermons. When I said young, I mean younger than me lol.
She shared about Gideon and the prophetic message behind God's choice of weapon for the 300 armies : empty jars, trumpets, torches.
To sum up, empty jars represents broken vessels. We are God's broken vessels. To be emptied out from all, humbling ourselves before the Cross.
Trumpets represents our voice. We are made to make 'noises' for God, about God. To not let fear of men hinders us from using our God given voice.
Torches represents no other than the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit started a spark inside us, but then again, it's our responsibility to feed the Spirit.
From these 2 tracks (plus others relevant messages in other sessions), I was reminded that so many are called, but few are chosen. 'Chosen' talks about doing our part to stand up and get up from our comfort zone. To be 'chosen' is to voice out your respond through a life of obedience to Christ, and not to self.
I learned that as a leader, there is no method given by God. God never gives methods. Or formula.
He gives His heart instead.
He gives the Holy Spirit to lead us, leaders, to lead others.
(LEADERSCEPTION!)
Joke aside, you get my point.
If you want to live a life that impacted lives, then you gotta 'read the wind.'
Be sensitive to the Spirit and then bravely do whatever prompted by Him.
Well, quoting Ci Gil last last week, all I can say is, "I always belong to the youth."
But youth aside, I can see the bigger picture of intergenerational ministry.
"He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents"
Whatever anointing that was given to us right now could not compare to the anointing that will be given to the next generation after ours.
It's like a snowball effect, where it's gonna get bigger, grander, more powerful than before.
I kinda understand now, like, more in depth understanding of the heart for the youth He has placed in my heart. I explained numerous times in numerous occasion, but during E21 there's someone else asking why I didn't help out in Sunday services PW team.
And each time, the conviction just get stronger lol.
Well like I said, more in depth understanding : if everyone is serving the older generation, then who's going to serve the next generation? I understand now why I went through all this process, to be so different than the norms. But then again, I can't help to be different when HE is the One who sets me apart.
From this E21, I saw a glimpse of the Father's heart. The kind that never asked to be ministered to, simply because their focus is only on how to 'feed', to minister, and to impart their hearts to the generation that follows. I am grateful for the process, the ups and downs, because I'd rather lose everything than the sight of Him.
Wew. That's intense.
Nonono. God didn't stop there. He (slowly, as usual lol) fulfill His promise!
The one that initiated by Him, doubted, assured, doubted, re-assured, to the point that I could say, I would only run 'this way' because of Him. My confidence is in Him. Not in.. other stuff lol.
Maybe one day I'll share about this. But not now because a woman gotta sleep. LOL. Tomorrow gotta werkwerkwerkwerkwerk.
Suffice to say. At the end of the conference, in my quiet time, I kinda remember everything together and my heart swelled with gratitude.
"God, You are so good, TOO GOOD. What have I done to deserve all this?"
He said,
"Nothing, really. I just want you to know, THIS MUCH I love you."
....
....
bochorr bro.
How can I not love you, God? How can I not give ALL my life to You?
I don't know where to start. But I certainly could say that THIS is not the end.
God is not done yet.
In fact, earlier today I was discussing things with Ijah and we both agreed on something : we are on an accelerated roller coaster ride. Faster than ever! Higher than we ever been before!
There are milestones in life. Like moments when you graduated uni, or when your PR is approved. When you moved overseas or going back for good. Moments that marked a change in the season of life. But there are other kinds of moments : intangible, but leaving marks so deep your brain might let go but your soul never will.
And last week was THAT kind of moments. A series of events that, combined together, was just..
Well. I couldn't find A WORD to describe it best. But I would try my best to re-tell the story.
Here goes. (Beware. It's gonna be long)
I was considering a one day leave, a half-day plus another half-day, or simply a 2 days leave to attend Empowered21. If you're a working adult you'll know how precious your leave allowance is hahahaha. (MC is never an option for me. Personally, I just couldn't fake it for whatever reason hahah) Weighing pros and cons, somehow I just didn't want to miss out on anything. If God wanted to talk to me, then I'd make myself available to sit still and listen. I decided to go all out then. So I took 2 days leave.
Came Tuesday, H-1 before E21. I was out with the rest hanging out at McD (as always haha) when I was asked if I'd like to fill in for Thursday morning session. I was like.... Is no one around? I'm not even a singer, hello?
Apparently no one's around. Really. Considering the number of PW members of our church, this kinda weird hahaha. But then again, I know God when I hear Him. So I just said yes. Not to men, but to God.
It's only on Wednesday opening night, it downed on me that the next morning I was going to sing in front of 7,000 plus people. OH MAN............
The next morning was kinda surreal. Or maybe I was just sleepy then bahaha.
7.30 at Expo we gotta be there for a 30 mins practice. Oh em ji. I couldn't tell if I was nervous or just hungry but the combination of being in a big stage plus the in-ear-monitor thingy was just.. unreal.
When the time came for us PW team to step up there, I stared at the crowd and all those lights. Ok.
But when it comes to the worship itself, I just closed my eyes and the crowd disappeared. And it's just me and God. The two of us, basically.
Ko Rai texted us, me and ci Beck. Saying how it was so unreal that both of us, not only one, were there. Serving, not only a church, but nations (I think they mentioned there were 49 nations represented in E21). I thanked God. I told Him that I was beyond grateful.
But He's not finished. Yet.
Because Thursday night, I was told that I would be singing for the closing PW session on Friday night as well. I was........................................ God. I can't even..
Cut the story short, Friday evening I got to meet Bapak Welyar Kauntu the legendary WL.
I was okay until we finished practice.
I felt so inadequate. So out of place.
I asked God, "What am I doing here?"
I mean, in terms of singing skill, I was average. I hit the notes, but yeaaa like that only lol.
I never been equipped or given any technical knowledge on how to sing properly.
"What am I doing here, God."
And like He always does, He knows how to silent the doubt in His daughter's heart.
"You know what, Kez? I opened door, just like that. Besides, it's not about you. It's about ME."
So powerful He spoke, I was humbled and instantly, calmed.
The crowd was crazy............
I was talking about them kiddos who rushed just to get in the very front row of the stage, just to scream "KEEEEEEEKEEEEEEEEEEEZ" recording Insta story and stuff lol. I couldn't remain stoic, I grinned from ear to ear lol. Love you guys.
Yesterday after TLG I told this story to some of Hei kiddos.
When I told them how I felt so limited, not even equipped as a singer, ko Ceka said something along this line,
"There's a difference between a singer and a worshiper. You are a worshiper."
I was humbled. I was reminded that it's true, God uses what the world considers weak to shame the strong, just to show that in God's economy, everything is only based on His say-so, His truth, not other's. I was privileged.. Not because He put me under a limelight for a day, but because in my weaknesses, in my limitations, there is only one name I can boast about : His.
The end.
NO LAH THERE'S SO MUCH MORE!
On the second day, ci Beck and I rushed to collect tickets for Youth Leader's Class.
There were 3 streams following the afternoon session: senior leaders, youth leaders, and those who couldn't get tickets for the 2 streams will be joining a session in the main hall.
There's only about 200 tix for the senior and youth leaders (I think, because I only focused on the Youth one lololol). When I reached the room, I saw RUSSEL EVANS.
I'm not the fan-girl type, okay. I don't have any favorite singer or actors or whatnot.
But I would never forget the life-changing atmosphere in Planetshakers conference.
How all the youth were so empowered, you could feel the energy like electricity in the air, it brought down God's presence that was so so so so tangible you could not stand quite and not worshiping!
Anywaysss. LOL. Not a fan-girl, remember.
What Ps Evans share resonates with the message God planted in my heart all this time.
Radical obedience. The kind that would require 100% conviction that God is in control, and not men.
To be brave and courageous to be willing to pay the price to see His kingdom come. No matter what the cost.
"At the end of your obedience is your miracles."
I was crying the whole session. No music or any kind of emotional thingy tugging on my heart-string.
What I knew was the Holy Spirit did something in my heart, I couldn't help but responding in tears.
After sermon, there's this Q&A session. And in one question Ps Evans called some people to help illustrate his points.
Guess who did he call?
YES! YOURS TRULY! OH EMM GEEE. The three of us, Ko Rai, Dedi and I went up the stage.
No one was more excited that I hahahahhaa. GOD! What a bonus hahahahah.
I was hungry for the Friday Youth Leader's Track. BUT..... As we queued for the tix, we were told that no ticket left. Well, saddddd. BUT I GOT THE FIRST SESSION WITH PS EVANS AND THAT'S ENOUGH RIGHT!
Wrong lol. Because then Ci Sansan managed to get us 5 tickets lol.
GOD WHY YOU SO GOOD EH??????
(Sorry for so many caps. I was just too excited)
The Friday track was led by Sara Castellanos, a young preacher with a heart so big, you can feel the fire in her sermons. When I said young, I mean younger than me lol.
She shared about Gideon and the prophetic message behind God's choice of weapon for the 300 armies : empty jars, trumpets, torches.
To sum up, empty jars represents broken vessels. We are God's broken vessels. To be emptied out from all, humbling ourselves before the Cross.
Trumpets represents our voice. We are made to make 'noises' for God, about God. To not let fear of men hinders us from using our God given voice.
Torches represents no other than the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit started a spark inside us, but then again, it's our responsibility to feed the Spirit.
From these 2 tracks (plus others relevant messages in other sessions), I was reminded that so many are called, but few are chosen. 'Chosen' talks about doing our part to stand up and get up from our comfort zone. To be 'chosen' is to voice out your respond through a life of obedience to Christ, and not to self.
I learned that as a leader, there is no method given by God. God never gives methods. Or formula.
He gives His heart instead.
He gives the Holy Spirit to lead us, leaders, to lead others.
(LEADERSCEPTION!)
Joke aside, you get my point.
If you want to live a life that impacted lives, then you gotta 'read the wind.'
Be sensitive to the Spirit and then bravely do whatever prompted by Him.
Well, quoting Ci Gil last last week, all I can say is, "I always belong to the youth."
But youth aside, I can see the bigger picture of intergenerational ministry.
"He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents"
Whatever anointing that was given to us right now could not compare to the anointing that will be given to the next generation after ours.
It's like a snowball effect, where it's gonna get bigger, grander, more powerful than before.
I kinda understand now, like, more in depth understanding of the heart for the youth He has placed in my heart. I explained numerous times in numerous occasion, but during E21 there's someone else asking why I didn't help out in Sunday services PW team.
And each time, the conviction just get stronger lol.
Well like I said, more in depth understanding : if everyone is serving the older generation, then who's going to serve the next generation? I understand now why I went through all this process, to be so different than the norms. But then again, I can't help to be different when HE is the One who sets me apart.
From this E21, I saw a glimpse of the Father's heart. The kind that never asked to be ministered to, simply because their focus is only on how to 'feed', to minister, and to impart their hearts to the generation that follows. I am grateful for the process, the ups and downs, because I'd rather lose everything than the sight of Him.
Wew. That's intense.
Nonono. God didn't stop there. He (slowly, as usual lol) fulfill His promise!
The one that initiated by Him, doubted, assured, doubted, re-assured, to the point that I could say, I would only run 'this way' because of Him. My confidence is in Him. Not in.. other stuff lol.
Maybe one day I'll share about this. But not now because a woman gotta sleep. LOL. Tomorrow gotta werkwerkwerkwerkwerk.
Suffice to say. At the end of the conference, in my quiet time, I kinda remember everything together and my heart swelled with gratitude.
"God, You are so good, TOO GOOD. What have I done to deserve all this?"
He said,
"Nothing, really. I just want you to know, THIS MUCH I love you."
....
....
bochorr bro.
How can I not love you, God? How can I not give ALL my life to You?
you belong to WWW ... trust me! ;)
ReplyDeleteHahahaha woww direkrut sm maknya WWW!!!
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