Love, Actually

Yellow hellow semua!

Udah berapa taon ini blog ga disentuh, berdebu men hahah.

Life's good, life's good.

Kebanyakan update sampe ga tau mau mulai dari mana nih.

Mungkin gw langsung to the point aja biar cepet yak.

Belakangan ini gw lagi dijodo2in sama anak2.

But then again, what's new? Bahaha. Kayanya ini anak2 haus kasih sayang seorg ayah apa gw yg kaya haus.. eh well. Hopefully not the latter hmm.

Last Saturday, abis nongkrong2 sebentar (not really sebentar I guess), gw sempet ngobrol2 sama seorang anak. Sebut saja R,

Sebelumnya, ada yg nyeletuk 'Ah tapi si Kekez sih kayanya siap selibat ya'.

Trus si R ga ngerti apa itu selibat.

Menurut abang Wikipedia :

Celibacy (from Latin, cælibatus") is the state of voluntarily being unmarried, sexually abstinent, or both, usually for religious reasons.^[1][2][3][4] It is often in association with the role of a religious official or devotee.^[1] In its narrow sense, the term celibacyis applied only to those for whom the unmarried state is the result of a sacred vow, act of renunciation, or religious conviction.^[1][5] In a wider sense, it is commonly understood to only mean abstinence from sexual activity.^[1][5]

Ya intinya ga married deh.

Jadi gw cerita2 lah sama si Roma (eh disebut juga namanya lol).

Waktu itu gw lagi gantung baju sambil nyanyi2. I don't know how or why, but my heart just overflowed with joy and I just said in my heart "Thank you, Lord. You are good in my life. Thank you for always giving me the best"

Then there's this VERY WEIRD reply like, "Even if I told you that you should be alone (as in celibate)? Would you still say that I am good?"

Gimana ga kaget, Brosis. Like out of this world hahaha like WHAAA..AT.

But then again, gw cuman bilang, "If all this time You are faithful to me, I will say that what you've given me is actually the best thing. But please no PHP. If I were to have this 'gift', just say it bluntly to me. I don't want to waste my time asking for something that is not according to Your plan"

If some of you think gw macam superman yang rada out of this world, well, you are right and wrong at the same time.

Sebagai manusia, ya gw juga mau sih berkeluarga. Not now. Like, in a few years time.

I'm barely 26 woyy.

Back then, if someone ask me this kind of question, if I were even think about celibacy, I will LOL straight to their faces. I mean come on.

Everyone wants to love and to be loved. We craveeee for love.

Isn't it the reason He's creating us human? To love?

A few years ago, I wouldn't even fathom the notion of celibacy.

But He's proved too many times that what I used to consider important, things that defined who I am, is no longer important, no longer significant compare to His glory.

When I did not know what to do, where to go, when I was in the verge of giving up and just play dead, He showed me how His ways are above my ways.

I am captured by His love. Over and over and over again.

I used to sing 'Christ is Enough' wholeheartedly,

But it's only after He reveals more of Him, then I only I could understand that I could NEVER fully grasp the depth, the height, the width of His great love for us.

What kind of love could compare to His? None!

The love this world offers is a cheap comparison to His.

If you ask me, then are you going to 'that' direction, towards celibacy?

Well, my friend. So far sih ga ada 'follow up question' yak :P

Kemarin si Roma bener2 tercengang gitu.

"Ceh, ga kebayang nanti kalo udah tua grow old alone loh"

Nah buat gw, selama ada Tuhan, gw ga pernah alone sih.

Like, pernah ngerasain di tengah crowd tp tetep ngerasa sepi?

Percaya deh, in Christ, keadaan sesepi dan semenyedihkan apa pun juga ga akan lu berasa sepi.

He is the HOPE that never fails. Seperti yg gw suka bilang ke beberapa anak yg suka kena penyakit galau akut, "Hidup paling enak itu sama Tuhan dah, worry-free, burden-free, guilt-free, no condemnation." But bear in mind, enaknya Tuhan sama enaknya dunia itu mutually exclusive.

"Tapi kaya papa mama ceceh gimana?"

Ya.. Ga begimana2. Ya sekarang sih uda hint2 cucu beberapa kali gitu.

Tapi gw cuman bisa bersyukur sama Tuhan buat orangtua yg takut akan Tuhan.

Nope. I'm not saying they're perfect. Farrrr from that. (if you know my stories, you'd know for sure that they're not. Tapi di dalam Tuhan ada restoration HALLELUJAH!)

Ya paling mereka sedih dikit, tapi kan ada si Febe (dede gw). Ada lah ya secucu dua cucu.

Anyway, both of my parents love me and they know that I am who I am today only by God's grace.

Jadi apa pula yg perlu ditakutin?

Terus gw share dikit tentang si Paulus kan. Kalo dia berumah tangga, mungkin ga akan sefrontal itu memberitakan kasih Yesus. Iya lah.. Takut ntar anak istrinya yg dibegal? Gw sih takut..

Jadi mkanya dia choose to be celibate. Liat impact dlm hidupnya? I think you just need to flip your new testament and see how powerful surat2 si om Paul.

Jadi apakah semua org selibat aja biar lebih impactful?

Ya kaga laa.. I believe God creates us differently for a specific reasons.

He is the head of the Church, we are His body. I might be the big toe. You might be the intestines and so on and so forth.

We all have different functions and places and it is futile, even deadly, to compare and contrast each person's to another.

Makanya kata gw setia aja sama calling Tuhan di dalam idup lu.

Put God first and foremost, He will lead to you places that you'd never thought you would be.

THEN, you would know that the most fulfilling life is one that is submitted under His purpose.

I also believe in free will.

Even if you are called for celibacy, you still can say NO.

I believe itu ga akan bkin Tuhan angkara murka dan membalik dunia lu jadi siang ada bulan, malem ada matahari. Haha. I believe He appreciates our choice as we are actually HIS equal partner (kawan sekerja Allah). 

But then again, seperti analogi gw ttg Paulus yg beristri beranak cucu, I don't think he would be THAT frontal in talking about Jesus. Jadi, mungkin bakal ada Rasul lain yg lebih SESUATU daripada Paulus. MUNGKIN. Just a hypothesis loh.

Ye begitu lah kira2 tentang celibacy.

Seru juga ya.

But until God calls me and anoints me with that gift, let me keep my hope up that He's actually cooking up something (well, someone) real good for me bahahhaah.

Kemarin abis ngobrol2 sama neng Romce, aku jadi kepikir, how my definition of love has changed as I am caught deeper in His love.

It's like I am done chasing shadows. I am done thinking that I know what I want or what I need when only Him knows the depth of my own heart.

Nah yang dulu gw pikir romantis macam jreng jreng gitar (uhuk) or yang kaya bkin2 puisi cinta, coklat, kembang dll itu adalah sesuatu, sekarang kok udah beda ya. Eh.

It's like, back then I always dreamed of scenes from "A Walk to Remember" (minus ceweknya pass away tapi). Yang macam berputar2 di bawah taburan bintang2 sambil dansa2 padahal ga ada background musik juga (lagian kaya gw bisa dansa aja).

But know I see it differently.

My kind of romantic scenes are not those that can be captured by eyes, but rather, by hearts.

My kind of romantic is when God leads me to him and him to me.

Before he approaches me, he needs to ask my hand from my Daddy God (and my mentor of course la ya ehem).

So one day, I can tell my daughters (or sons, whatever) that our love story is journey of faith, when mine met his :)

Yauda gitu aja. Malu sendiri gw aneh banget....... 

Night awesome peopleeeeeeeeee!!!

God loves you and so do I :)