Back To December

I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life, tell me how's your family

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me

Still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night

And I'd go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I go back to December all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leaving

When your birthday passed and I didn't call

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the passenger side and

Realized I loved you in the fall

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

________________________________________________________

It's 3.53 in the morning.

I should have slept by now, my flight back to Jakarta is boarding in less than 12 hours.

But somehow I don't feel like sleeping.

And strangely, it's not due to the excitement that usually came along before going home.

Maybe it's because many many many things happen today (or yesterday, to be fair)

One of the reason was not my story to tell, since it's revolving around one of my besties.

All I can say, I'm hoping for the best for her :)

Whatever happen, I (and the rest of this house member) will always be there!

There were another.. thing that keep my awake at this time of hour.

No, it's not another episodes of Chuck. LOL

It has something to do with my, err, previous posts.

You know, about a.. person.

LOL

(Sorry, I tend to LOL when I got nervous)

It's just..

I just bade him goodbye.

Like.. A goodbye where a future hello would be unlikely to happen.

So we supposed to say something about him, what makes him special, what would we remember about him, et cetera, et cetera.

I was very deeply intensely touch by how everyone seems to have good impressions.

I'm not talking about some random 'oh-he's-a-good-person', something we usually heard from ppl we don't really knows but had to say something good.

Everyone seems to be touched by his act of kindness.

And when it came my turn to say, do you know what I said?

It's something like 'Oh.. He's a good person. Don't talk to much but always make things right'

Then I don't know what else to say.

I'm too sad. Too damn sad.

The realization downed on me.

That this is it. My last time seeing him for-- I don't know, maybe forever.

And all I could come up with was just some random adjective??

You know.. If things were different,

do you know what I would say to you?

Hey, there..

I know we've known each other for a considerably short time.

At first, I thought you were.. kinda blur blur. LOL

I didn't notice you much.

You seems nice.

You don't talk much.

You like turtle, because everytime you got bored of the conversation around, you stare at the green turtle swimming around.

Then later on you told me that you got yourself a turtle, which you've 'smuggled' from Singapore to Indo in your pocket. LOL

But that was another story.

I remember exactly that night.

I was wrapping my Christmas present for my housemates.

I could barely contain myself seeing your message. LOL

I also remember how I thought you were the most insensitive, unbelievably cryptic, unguessable person I've ever known.

Then I got my footing strong.

I didn't let myself easily sway by the attention.

I didn't want to.

Because, well, what the end will be.

That this was not what I wanted. That I should've known better. That I've grown.

But after sometimes knowing you, I know I was right.

That you were different. Unique. That's the word. Unique.

You were not like every other man I ever known.

You've got this funny way to look at the world, at things.

You've got different goal than any other man.

You are not earthly at all.

I thought you were somewhat dreamy.

That was the thing that makes me like you, makes you different.

But that was also keep me away from you.

You got so many talents.

Everybody knows how helpful you are.

How you talk less and do more.

If I could go back to December, would I change anything?

Like maybe do something more, or less?

Let's see..

Well, I don't think so.

If I could go back to December, I would do everything exactly the same like what I've done before.

Because you see, despite the fathomable ending..

I consider myself lucky.

Lucky to have known a person like you.

Lucky to have a chance to understand you a bit.

Lucky to spend the precious afternoon together ;)

I know, I know.. Things soon would be forgotten.

Life goes on.

Time passed by.

But you.

I would keep you in a ribboned-box, neatly stored in the corner of my mind.

That sometimes, whenever I feel like it, I would open it.

See what inside.. And smile :)

Goodbye.