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Soon, Father. Soon.



Not for a minute
Was I forsaken
The Lord is in this place

The Lord is in this place
Come Holy Spirit

Dry bones awaken
The Lord is in this place
The Lord is in this place


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I love how God speaks.
So loud. So clear. Unmistakably God.
The voice that calm troubled seas.
The voice that calm troubled hearts
The voice that breaks the silence of isolation.
The voice that breaks the walls of human pride.


AND THAT HUMAN WAS ME.


Oh man!

It's been less than 2 months since that day.
Since than, A LOT has happened.
And looking back to this past few weeks, if someone ask me again (well back then I was too hurt to see, or to proud to admit the obvious),
"Kok bisa, Ke? Why did you guys broke up?"

Now, I'd say, "Because God loves. He loves me. He loves R."

And that, my friend, is enough assurance for me to know that God is at work behind all this.

One thing I love about God.
He really knows His daughter here.
He knows how to usher my heart out of victim mindset,
to a place where it's only me and God.
So that He could deal with me personally.
He taught me that forgiveness is not enough.
He wants me to honor. Which is FAAAR beyond respecting.
Because respect is determined by outward happenings, but honor, is given by choice.
He 'unveiled' my heart of all the 'hidden pride' that comes when I obeyed and good things happened.
GILE MEN TAMPARANNYA TUH PEDAS2 NIKMAT.

Someone once asked, "Kok bisa cici maafin?"

TBH (sekarang baru sadar).

I was not as angry with R as I was with God.
Really.
I was FURIOUSLY MAD with my Father (sorry yaaa Father).
Really. Like. FUMING MAD. You can see sulfuric smoke came out from my ears etc.
I DON'T GET WHY HE BROUGHT ME INTO ALL THIS MADNESS.
ALL I HAD DONE WAS OBEYING.
I OBEYED GOD WHEN HE ASKED ME TO PRAY.
I SAID "YES" TO EVERYTHING HE ASKED ME.
TO THIS GUY.
I WAS. YOU KNOW.
I was at the edge of an outright rebellion against my own Father.

How did I know?
I can't tell the detail, not now. But it's something like this..
I did something I shouldn't do and ended up feeling like I've KILLED someone
(that guilt tho) just because I didn't take my time to stop and asked God if that was a good idea at all.
One simple stuff really.
But when God told me that He asked me to do something that I was like, "WHAAATTTT U CRAZYYYY?", I was TOTALLY MAD.
I SCREAMED (well inside of my heart la yaa...)
"GOD, WHY YOU ASK SO MANY THINGS FROM ME?
THE PRICE YOU ASK ME TO PAY IS SO FREAKING HIGH?
WHY? WHY ME?"

Seriously udah kaya anak threenager throwing tantrum, "Gide upset nih."
WKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWKWK
I really threw my first on my Father's face.
OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT TO MY OWN FATHER!
Sorry ya, Dad.. But I've told You already that I'm really really sorry.
But I guess, You know that I'm just a little kid that's hurting.
But still, tho, thank You for your loving heart You never give up on me..
Thank You and I love You.
Huggggggggggggggg!
Really! How can I not love You? 
How can I not love everything about You (including Your mystery wkwk).


But ya.. when I obey, it's really between me and God.
Nobody knows.
But when I said, "Yes", things started to change.
It's like I was staring through a blurry lens.
But then He changed my perspective, my position.
He brought me to a wide open spaces, where I could lie down in His green pasture.
A place where there's no more striving. No more fighting.
The battle, He said, is no longer my business.

So there I'm in a green pasture.
Just lie, chilling with my Daddy, where I'm totally spoiled by His love.
He brought me closer to His heart, to the core of it.
His heartbeats are my lullabies. 
I'm satisfied and content.
At peace.

At the same time..
His assurance remains.
Even stronger than ever!

A twinkle in His eyes, my Father told me,
"Wait and see what I would do, Daughter.
A new season. A new beginning.
You're at the edge of your current season.
Soon. Daughter. Soon"

(He whispered His secret plan.
Father of all plot twists. How I love You!)

And with a twinkle in my eyes, I answered Him,
"Soon. Father. Soon."


Not for a minute. Was I forsaken.
The Lord is in this place. The Lord is in this place.

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