it's not a diary. it's a JOURNAL

In the crushing, in the pressing You are making new wine In the soil I now surrender You are breaking new ground (New Wine - Hillsong Worship) This song was released some time around 2 years ago and since then, God has spoken through this song to keep me going when the journey takes me to dark and difficult places. He reminded me this song from time and time again in this past few months of 2020. And every time I sing “CRUSHING, PRESSING, BREAKING”, jujur cuman bisa meringis kadang2 HAHA. But that’s for the previous post because THIS ONE IS ON ENTIRELY DIFFERENT NOTE! WOHOOO! BREAKTHROUGH IS HERE!!!! I mentioned in the previous post (Redefining 2020: Takeaways), that I’ve switched to Full Time BSSM Online sometimes in August. What I forgot to mention that 2 days before the school start, I was battling so much doubt. I know I should be happy. Expectant. My brain shouted, “HELLOWW, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!! ISN’T IT WHAT YOU’RE WAITING FOR??” But my heart is full of mixed feeling emotions th...

 “2020 is not a good year for me.” “I just wanna skip 2020 altogether.” Those were written everywhere and posted over and over again on social media. Is it, really? Personally, this year has been.. Let say, one completely unknown territory. I have expected “the unknown” when I said goodbye to my entire 12 years in Singapore to start a new adventure with the Father. But.. NOT THIS KIND of unknown!  I thought the future would be kinda blurry. But this! This was.. total darkness. The first few months of being home was about me replicating my Singapore life (well, minus the job and of course the people). I was busy finding “home”, trying out new churches, new communities, new ministries. Making new friends, reuniting with old friends. Back to meeting people on daily basis. I even went to 2 services on Sundays HAHA! Well, I thought, this was me being productive while waiting for the school intake. And then Covid19 strikes. The world was brought to its knees. All church meetings wen...

2020! A year where I started anew; a blank page, literally. This time, saying yes to God has brought me out of my small boat… I’ve said goodbye to Singapore, to Savills, to the comfort of a well-scheduled and sheltered life and (the hardest is) to the people whom I love dearly. End of 2019 passed by like a whirlwind; resignation letter, handing over my job, dinner appointment with different group of people every day. And on Thursday, 19 of December, I surrendered my blue IC card. No turning back. I can tell you the beautiful detail of God’s timely assurances. Not a step I dared to take (because every little things were just so risky) without God gentle nudges ushering me forward. How His love covered my doubts and helped me to go through the heartache of letting go of my lifelines… one by one… But today I wanna share about something else. Today I wanna go back to the very beginning. Before the yes. Before the goodbyes. Before the breaking. Before the calling. ...

YELLOW EVERYONE! Setelah seratus purnama yah HAHAH. I' ve been wanting to write about this one particular topic. Been fascinated about this since probably a decade ago (yaowo tua bner hamba). I've learned from many sources, from sermons (online and offline), from books, and especially from observing real life cases, mulai dari parents, friends, sampe ke personal experiences *uhuk* I didn't really understand why, among MANY topics, He chose to magnify this thing to me. OK SO. Langsung aja. Let's talk about........ *drumrolls* SUBMISSION. Google says: submission /səbˈmɪʃ(ə)n/ Learn to pronounce noun 1.  the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. Yak itu tak copy paste mentah2 HAHAHA. Ga ngerti lah ini dulu tuh semacam "cuss word" sih buat hambamu yang kepala batu ini. Try saying this to me a a few years ago : "Keke. You must submit t...